“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Long pause at 9:48, one of many.) It almost dissolves in the imagined light of super-expected performance. This generates a sense of disapproval, of course. It also tends to being about a bigger division between those two images of the self. (A one-minute pause.) We want to speak more of reactions between elements of the personality, so I do not want you to settle upon one portion as the villain. At the same time, I do not want to play down the unfortunate aspects of the beliefs connected with the Sinful Self. Those aspects are at the psychological core of your civilization, and at the very heart of your organizations, whatever they are.

To some extent Ruburt’s panic is also the result of trying to live up to an impossible image, while forgetting his own personal background, and by expecting himself to behave as if that background was unimportant. (Long pause.) He was a person taught to believe that expression was somehow wrong. Despite that he became an excellent writer. He uses expression constantly. He expected himself to be a public personality—that is, he felt the responsibility to be one, as if that had always been a goal, when of course it had not been.

(Long pause at 9:58.) He had been shy with people, shy about reading his own poetry, though determined to do so, yet he felt that he should become this public personality, or to perform. I keep trying to think of examples so that you know what I mean. The entire idea of responsibility has been over-stressed. The creative work was expected not only to be creative, imaginative, intuitive, to contain the highest elements of conceptual thought, but must also be capable of solving the most concrete physical problem, tuned with some magical tuning fork so that it could serve almost any purpose required of it.

(Long pause.) He was also expected to be an excellent businesswoman, a fine artist, an extrovertish personality, to shine in any company, an introvert capable of greater spiritual exertion. He expected too much of himself. At the same time, of course, to some extent he blocked his own natural motion (underlined), which followed directly from his own motivations and abilities, his own desires and instincts.

(A one-minute pause at 10:11.) You have always been do-it-yourselfers, so your strengths and weaknesses become quite noticeable. (Long pause.) Who can say when determination ends up in stubbornness? (Something I’ve wondered about at times.) Ruburt has been facing the feelings of panic, however, that he had buried. They may not be pleasant, but they are expressions, often enough of valid-enough questions and fears that were overlooked or pooh-poohed as insignificant or foolish in the light of this superself image, who was expected to have no doubts, no fears, only flawless performance.

(Long pause at 10:18.) Ruburt felt that fears were beneath him—or should be beneath him. He felt that you also expected him to cast aside such feelings, particularly if they did not correspond with your own. This is a time of clearing the board. You live physically in present time, so it is the body that takes the brunt of such difficulty. (Long pause.) It always tries to right itself, but it must also work within the effective overall pattern of beliefs and expectations.

The present situation has been bound to result in more concentration upon the problem than usual, but in this particular instance the overall results become constructive, because they result in the psychological motion of the released feelings of panic. The experiences he had, of better imagined walking, for example, are important indications of inner resolutions, and that the body is making progress. (Long pause.) The panic kept him from trusting his body, and as that dissipates his innate trust in his body and in his own capacities will improve, and his performance, of course. The suggestion I gave about his situation is important in that regard. (See session of April 24, 1981.)

(10:38 PM. “Well, I guess I feel somewhat better,” Jane said, “even though I can’t remember too much....” Her delivery had been punctuated by many long pauses.