“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Like the last deleted session, this one is Jane’s own dictation, not Seth’s. She’d mentioned doing some yesterday, but it hadn’t worked out. “I don’t know what to talk about,” she said at 11:05 AM, “now that you’re here. Something on Rich Bed, or just generally about those feelings I had yesterday after reading your introduction for Dreams....” When I mentioned that she could dictate something for the intro she said she couldn’t—not without reading it again. I didn’t advise that, for yesterday morning she’d ended up very depressed after pursuing it right after breakfast. Her mood had been very despairing for most of the day. “It’s devastating, I guess,” she said about the intro.

(She added: “Now I don’t know whether the hospital experience was worth it or not.” We agreed her energy wasn’t any better than it had seemed before she went in, but at least Dr. Kardon’s treatment was supposed to be in the process of remedying that. [Dr. K is to see us tomorrow, to take blood for a thyroid test that may signal that it’s okay to raise the amount of supplement Jane is now getting.]

(“And your hearing is better than it’s been for what—years?” I continued. Jane agreed. “Yes—I can hear the birds now. Last year I started wondering where all the birds had gone.” “And you’ve had the whole hospital experience to use in the years ahead in your work,” I said. “Creatively. You’ve learned a lot about another way of life, met a lot of people: you’ve got a much wider base now from which to work....”

(Jane agreed again. “And I wish I’d written down all I’ve just told you,” I said. I began these notes, only to be interrupted as Jane began dictation. I finished them later.

(11:12 AM.) Last night (Jane said) I felt great when Robbie kissed me, and actually I slept quite well, both in my chair and bed. I felt fairly hopeful this morning, for example, yet now I feel quite sad again (with a tremolo), and I feel as if I want to express myself—but when I try there is some strange block.

(I told Jane that as I listened to it some of the material sounded contradictory. That is, the young girl must have had some feelings of guilt for leaving her prostrate mother, etc. I thought that was perfectly natural, but extending those feelings for the next 30 years would seem to be too much in nature’s scheme—as I’ve said before, it doesn’t seem to me that nature necessarily wants things to work that way, while making perfectly possible the fact that they can, if one chooses. This may be a case of things being redeemed on a “higher” level, I suppose—reminding me of material I’ve been dealing with recently in the intro for Seth/Jane’s Dreams.

(I also said that I thought today’s material was the result of Jane’s reading that intro after breakfast yesterday, which had triggered her day-long black mood of despair. I thought the intro had triggered Jane’s material about her mother—for here Jane was, creating—or at least mimicking—her mother’s situation on her own. Jane’s material this morning seemed to show that her buried feelings about her mother were much stronger than she’s suspected, and more damaging. Perhaps we’ll discover that they play as strong a role in Jane’s dilemma presently, as my wife’s Sinful-Self material. For Jane the two sets of material-beliefs could be very closely related—seems like this would be almost inevitable.