“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Like the last deleted session, this one is Jane’s own dictation, not Seth’s. She’d mentioned doing some yesterday, but it hadn’t worked out. “I don’t know what to talk about,” she said at 11:05 AM, “now that you’re here. Something on Rich Bed, or just generally about those feelings I had yesterday after reading your introduction for Dreams....” When I mentioned that she could dictate something for the intro she said she couldn’t—not without reading it again. I didn’t advise that, for yesterday morning she’d ended up very depressed after pursuing it right after breakfast. Her mood had been very despairing for most of the day. “It’s devastating, I guess,” she said about the intro.

(11:12 AM.) Last night (Jane said) I felt great when Robbie kissed me, and actually I slept quite well, both in my chair and bed. I felt fairly hopeful this morning, for example, yet now I feel quite sad again (with a tremolo), and I feel as if I want to express myself—but when I try there is some strange block.

It must have taken something for me, at 21, to leave her that summer. She attempted suicide again, this time by taking an overdose of phenobarbital. Instead of making her sleepy, however, it turned her into someone wild: she yelled and shouted and tried to get out of bed. I was afraid she’d fall on the floor. She was taken directly to the hospital when I called the doctor, and I went back home to that odd, nervous house that felt strangely vacant with her presence gone. I packed my clothes.