“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Behind such ideas is of course the central point of Christianity, or one of the central points at least, that earthly man is a sinful creature. He is given to sin. In that regard his natural expression must be closely guarded. It must be directed toward officialdom, and outside of that boundary lay, particularly in the past, the very uncomfortable realm of the heretic.

The church was quite real to Ruburt as a child, through the priests who came [to the house] regularly, through direct contact with the religious [grade] school, and the support offered to the family. Ruburt’s very early poetry offended Father Boyle, who objected to its themes, and who burned his books on the fall of Rome, so he had more than a hypothetical feeling about such issues. Many of those fears originated long before the sessions, of course, and before he realized that there was any alternative at all between, say, conventional religious beliefs and complete disbelief in any nature of divinity.

He [Ruburt] was afraid that if he went too far he would discover that he had catapulted himself into a realm where both answers and questions were meaningless, and in which no sense was to be found. To do that is one thing, but to take others with you would be, he felt, unforgivable—and in the framework of those fears, as his work became better known he became even more cautious.

By such tactics the church managed to hold on to an entire civilization for centuries. (Long pause.) Ruburt well knew even as a child that such structures had served their time, and his poetry provided a channel through which he could express his own views as he matured. Later the old fears, if they surfaced, were not encountered. They seemed beneath him, unworthy or cowardly—but in any case their validity as feelings was not recognized or understood.

Ruburt did initiate a small religious order in the 16th Century, in France, and he was in love for many years with the man he met in his dream—a cleric. The love was not consummated, but it was passionate and enduring nonetheless on both of their parts.

The name Normandy comes to mind, and the name Abelard. The dream came to remind Ruburt of those connections, but also to remind him that his life even then was enriched by a long-held love relationship. The two corresponded frequently, met often, and in their ways conspired to alter many of the practices that were abhorrent yet held as proper church policy.

Some of Ruburt’s short notes, written after the nightmare experience (and which I’ve asked Jane to copy for this record), show that he is beginning to put that material into its proper reference. Those fears, however, have been pertinent, since they stood between old beliefs and new ones—that is, they prevented him from taking full advantage of his newer knowledge, and of the abilities and good intent of the spontaneous self.

Both the nightmare experience and the dream were partially triggered by our last session (on March 4), of course, and served to show Ruburt why he had begun to cut down on some (underlined) of his own psychic experience, inspiration, and expression—a policy reflected in the repressed nature of bodily expression.

The dream representing his grandfather symbolically allowed him to go back to the past in this life, to a time of severe shock—his grandfather’s death—which occurred when he was beginning to substitute scientific belief for religious belief, wondering if his grandfather’s consciousness then fell back into a mindless state of being, into chaos, as science would certainly seem to suggest.

In the dream his grandfather revives. His grandfather survived in a suit too large, which means that there was still room for him to grow (as I’d suggested to Jane ). He [Ruburt] had a small experience of hearing a voice speak in his mind [yesterday]—a voice of comfort, all he remembered of quite legitimate assistance he received from other personalities connected with the French life, that came as a result of the French dream.

He still needs your reassurances, and should tell you when he feels discouraged for his legs are further loosening, and all he needs is the revival of confidence. I bid you a fond good evening, and I have not forgotten your questions. My fondest regards—

(Bill was still alternately sleeping and preening himself beside me on the couch, as he’d been doing all through the session. His coat is glossy and beautiful. I admired the tender loving care with which he addressed himself to each portion of his body.