“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(She slept well last night, and got up at about 10 AM. She’s felt somewhat better today. I had a snack with her while she ate breakfast, and tearfully she said she couldn’t blame me if I felt I could only stand so much, and wanted to go my own way. She said, as she has before recently, that she would try to get along on her own, and hire someone to take care of her. I’ve thought of trying to find another place to paint, especially for the larger works I plan to do, but not of leaving her. It’s true that my patience has been sorely tested of late, and, as I told her, I feel that I’ve done a lot during our relationship to help her and go along with her ideas.

(Jim Adams visited today with some sample black frames for her reading glasses, and repeated to Jane what I’d quoted him as saying his friend Dr. Werner had said about Jim’s description of Jane’s condition. Interesting, for I think Jim phrased some of his quotes somewhat differently to Jane than he had to me earlier this week —although I think the gist of the remarks is pretty much the same. But Jane and I have trained ourselves to try to recall accurately what others say, and we are aware of how information can be distorted as it’s passed on. We told Jim we haven’t made any firm decision about seeking medical help, but will when the glasses situation is taken care of. In the meantime, Jane is getting used to the idea, should we do anything about it.

(Jane also tried walking with the table with Frank’s help, as she had with me the day before, but once again couldn’t quite get up on her feet. She did better, though. She also tried the library today, as Seth had suggested, but with “nil” results, but didn’t try the energy-healing exercise yet. She plans to keep at both. She did have an unclear image while trying for the library, and discovered it was a bit scary. Yet while trying the library she felt “relaxed and panicky at the same time.”

The official world has its answers, methods, philosophy, standards, all set. The civilization is built around them. You are looking for better ways to live your lives, seeking a larger framework of existence. This is not some dry academic undertaking, but a matter of intense personal activities on both of your parts.

(Long pause.) Now, regardless of many objections to the contrary, Ruburt’s condition still has served your own ends as well as his—and into the present. To an extent they have served as their own stabilizers, giving you both excuses and protections from events of perhaps an intrusive fashion, such as the interviews or guests, or even strangers at the door. (Long pause.)In a fashion they produced their own kind of certainty. They also reflected—to some degree, now—your own perhaps more subsidiary beliefs that it was not safe to relax, or that spontaneity might lead to further uncertainties. It is not necessary that you learn to gush endlessly about your love for Ruburt, but it is important that you do express it, and you have indeed been better in that area. Your joint acknowledgement of your love, however, vastly increases the feelings of safety in your lives, and the love-making involving touch is very reminiscent of the childhood state involving freedom, when children rejoice in touching themselves and other objects and so forth.