“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I stood waiting many minutes while Jane struggled to get up. I was speechless once again, hardly able to sort out the thoughts and feelings churning in my head. When Jane finally admitted she couldn’t make it, I went back out to the kitchen to do the dishes and close up the house for the night. The wait hadn’t helped; she still sat waiting on the toilet. I lost my patience and my temper as I stood beside her, threatening to leave her sitting there all night while I went to bed. My own fears left me seeing visions of a drastically changed relationship between us, and a different life-style, one probably considerably less private if she needed nursing care, say, “What are you trying to do to me?” I demanded, and so forth. “Please don’t holler at me now,” Jane said. “Do it later....”

(Eventually, and very reluctantly, since I considered it a sign of a major failure, I ended up carrying her physically from the john to her chair—rather awkwardly but not with as much trouble as I’d anticipated, yet also feeling a bit of a strain in my lower back. I am still aware of a muscular sensation there, although I slept well. Jane was much relieved that I could move her, and surprised, but I had my doubts about being able to do that on a longer-term basis: I dared not endanger my own physical condition lest I be unable to take care of her otherwise, regardless of how poorly or with what ill grace I might do that.

(We haven’t yet made any firm decision about seeking medical help, but are obviously very close to doing just that.)

What elements help bring about such a situation? They are elements that do not seem perhaps to have anything at all to do with the matter at hand. (Long pause.) Love-making is extremely important in that regard, for of itself it brings about an overall betterment in body and mind. It helps bring about the kind of mental atmosphere that is conducive to healing at all levels, and it involves you both at the same time. It should have a much higher position in your priorities.

(I should take a moment here to note that Seth has said this before, and that Jane has referred to it also. I for one haven’t had any such feelings, since from the very beginning of our relationship I’ve always felt certain that in Jane I’d found the ideal mate—an achievement I’ve considered most fortunate, one I’d hardly dared dream I’d manage to do. Looking back, our meeting and getting together seemed the most natural and inevitable things in the world; how could I improve upon that? I’ve always been intensely proud of Jane’s achievements and abilities, and glad to be able to participate in them to whatever degree. The thing that has left me distraught, nearly broken-hearted, is to see her in such a progressively poor physical situation as the years have passed. Especially devastating is this when the material explains very clearly that things don’t have to be that way. No wonder I say to her that we’ve paid too high a price for our achievements. I want to see her able to manipulate like other people, of course, and to have her achievements also; that things haven’t worked out that way so far can’t but help have a profound effect upon my feelings, hers, and our relationship, which I’ve always taken absolutely as being as solid and enduring as the elements.)

(8:03.) Your joint love for each other is highly important precisely because you do work in such solitary fashions, and because the bent of your minds does not lead to a natural give-and-take with an emotionally friendly group of nearby colleagues.

Ruburt has been afraid of your reactions as Events and God of Jane meet the public world. I do not want to hurt either of your feelings (pause), but in your cases the creation of a crisis period is not beneficial. This does not mean there cannot be discussion, or decisions made about seeking help from others, or whatever, but that the idea of a crisis situation aggravates the very natural feelings (long pause) that are present and unfortunately exaggerated in the entire situation.

(Long pause.) Expression should be encouraged on both of your parts, so that that nonspecific directive is freer to find its own specific utterance. The first thing is to get Ruburt calmed down again. (Long pause.) Your conflict personally about doing the lawn, or having it done for you, is by the way a minor example of your do-it-yourself tendencies coming in conflict with other ideas—a point I wanted to mention.

The strain is a result of your own attitudes, of course—of a burden being applied that should or need not be. It seems there is nothing wrong with your back. It is your attitude that hurts. And that also speaks to Ruburt to express your own feelings: you cannot depend on me to do this all the time. The same statement was made when you carried Ruburt to the car. In exaggerated form, Ruburt makes the same statement of his own with his own symptoms—that is, they also express attitudes. Theoretically, your love alone could sweep the discomfort away, so that Ruburt felt as light as a feather. They express your reluctance, of course, and outrage against the situation.

(9:06 PM. Jane had done well. The family of raccoons in the fireplace behind me had been quite active and sometimes noisy during the session. I told Jane the session was very good, and she sighed with relief. I said it gave me a surge of hope, and that I hoped it would affect her the same way when I read it to her this evening, which I now proceeded to do. She agreed when she’d heard it, though it was more difficult to listen to the session than to read it at leisure.