“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane now spends much time afraid that she won’t be able to manipulate in the john, so it seems that now is the time to go on to other modes of help than our own and Seth’s, I said—unless these last few sessions can help, unless they can add an understanding and/or stimulus that will bring her some relief. I’m quite distraught and beside myself, personally, and so is she. “What’s the matter,” I asked her after supper tonight, “do you feel guilty because you think you deserted your mother?” I explained that I felt self-punishment, a feeling of unworthiness, self-doubt and mistrust must lie at the root of her symptoms—that she felt she must pay a price for each success, like the publishing of a book. Why else would a person put up with what she has for well over a decade, without asking others for help? Incredible, I said, and added that I must have contributed mightily to her behavior. What has happened to my lovely wife, I wondered, sitting beside her on the couch as we ate supper of bacon and waffles? What could possibly be so bad in life that we had to pay such a price?

(Jane had thought she might not be able to have a session tonight, but she began to feel Seth around soon after I began writing these notes, at about 7:30. She did well in the session, if rather slowly, but at the same time I became more upset and frustrated as Seth spoke.)

At the same time he was trying to uncover the basic reasons for his difficulties, so that all in all a good deal of loaded material of one kind or another was being encountered, some discussed in these sessions.

All of the material I have given about attitudes toward revelationary material are important in that context, and please realize that I am categorizing. To that degree and in the light of this discussion, you end up with what I will call —and have in the past called—the overly conscientious self, which attempts to deal with the attitudes of the Sinful Self by checking and double-checking all the time, by being, in other words, overly conscientious: is Ruburt dealing with “the truth,” and so forth? That kind of question is endlessly considered by the conscientious self. You are taught as children to be honest in very literal terms, and often children’s natural imaginative abilities and creativity get them in a good deal of trouble.

When our material began to deal directly with the world, then, Ruburt’s questioning intensified. At the same time, however, the self will not be denied its creativity, and it will most stubbornly seek out those areas of its own expression, so not working on my book will not help solve Ruburt’s difficulties, and may indeed aggravate them, simply because of the further inhibition of expression.