“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane now spends much time afraid that she won’t be able to manipulate in the john, so it seems that now is the time to go on to other modes of help than our own and Seth’s, I said—unless these last few sessions can help, unless they can add an understanding and/or stimulus that will bring her some relief. I’m quite distraught and beside myself, personally, and so is she. “What’s the matter,” I asked her after supper tonight, “do you feel guilty because you think you deserted your mother?” I explained that I felt self-punishment, a feeling of unworthiness, self-doubt and mistrust must lie at the root of her symptoms—that she felt she must pay a price for each success, like the publishing of a book. Why else would a person put up with what she has for well over a decade, without asking others for help? Incredible, I said, and added that I must have contributed mightily to her behavior. What has happened to my lovely wife, I wondered, sitting beside her on the couch as we ate supper of bacon and waffles? What could possibly be so bad in life that we had to pay such a price?

(Jim Adams also suggested that Jane see a medical internist to get at the root of the muscular difficulty, and gave us the names of three local doctors he recommended highly. He also promised to call an ophthalmologist friend of his, to explain Jane’s case to him and hear what this individual—a Dr. Werner—had to say about Jane’s double vision. Thus, tonight in his call Jim told me that Dr. Werner had said that Jane’s double vision was “the end result” of something muscular in nature. Dr. Werner recommended that she be tested to discover the causes, and asked Jim if Jane had ever had any “mini-strokes,” since such unsuspected and even unfelt attacks could have muscular repercussions. Dr. Werner added that he felt Jane should get attention, since help could lengthen her life span through muscular relaxation. Jim Adams is to see us later this week to check on black frames for Jane’s new glasses, and she can question him on Werner’s responses then.

Because of the Prentice situation, and because of the decision not to work on our book for a while, he felt blocked, not knowing how or when to move ahead (underlined). For all of your own regrets and recriminations about Prentice, for example, he was himself pleased by Tam’s letter today, that that bridge toward motion had not been severed.

(8:54.) Ruburt always wanted to help his mother, and felt largely powerless to do so. His mother’s condition made him ask questions, of course, concerning man’s condition, at a very early age. To some extent trying to help the world is a larger, expanded attempt to address such situations. Again, he was in no way responsible for his mother’s condition, however, or for her unhappiness, nor is he in those terms responsible for the unhappy situations of other people.