“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now Ruburt had only one parent available most of the time (long pause), and he did not feel secure in that relationship—a situation chosen ahead of time, now. There is greater leeway in the nature of such bondings. There are also periods in people’s lives, rhythmic times, when the self seeks to cast off certain such bindings for the pursuit and acceptance of still further data and knowledge.

(Long pause at 8:15.) With some people (long pause), such bindings are so secure that in one way or another they provide an overall, fairly permanent inner and outer framework. The people within that framework will stray only so far from conventional beliefs. (Long pause.) They still enjoy—relatively—a good deal of freedom, however, of a sideways extension, so to speak, or in a horizontal manner, as excellent athletes, perhaps. Ruburt’s relationship with his mother left much to be desired. The bonding did not secure him that important and vital sense of safety, and to some extent or another he felt at least threatened by abandonment. The bonding to cultural beliefs of religion (long pause) was very strong to make up for that initial lack. The strength of such binding elements, again, varies through a lifetime, and the binding to the parents’ beliefs of course helps strengthen social structure. In a curious fashion, however, that circle of safety provides each individual with the freedom and curiosity to go ahead and test independent theories and situations—so it also serves the purposes of creativity and knowledge, and even allows for the acquisition of new knowledge that was not in the original belief structures.

In any case the “troublesome” material remained (long pause), relatively inactive more or less—unless and until certain situations arose, unless and until his curiosity and ability led him to actively challenge those ideas while also in a situation where the natural fear of abandonment might be implied or suggested. The individual’s impetus is toward growth, development and understanding. These, again, these seemed to imply a matrix for some kind of safety. At certain points, then, the assimilation of new information is so qualifiedly different from the original belief structure that in order to assimilate it the personality is left for a time between belief systems.

The point at which such a situation happens is of course internal, and it may or may not have anything to do with the quality of material, but with its nature. Each society—or each system of knowledge, for that matter—has its own taboos built in, and most of these imply abandonment by the community. A firm bonding with the parent ideally implies however that the child will not be abandoned, despite for example parental anger at any given time. Now remember that Ruburt’s mother used words like “I hereby disown you,” or “You are hereby disinherited,” or “I consider you no longer my daughter.” Such a situation increased Ruburt’s sense of not being safe, of course, and yet also reinforced feelings of independence, for he did not have to feel as dependent upon Marie as he might otherwise.

The so-called doubting elements of the self have every right to sit in the council of the personality, rather than to be shunted aside, for they are themselves quite curious, and they have already of course been weakened. It is only when they are denied, accused of sabotage, that the situation becomes one in which positions are hardened at both ends, so to speak.

(9:20 PM. Jane had done well. It was almost dark. From the valley south of our hill house intermittent barrages of fireworks had sounded during the session, and even now crackled anew. The situation was reminiscent, I thought, of other sessions we’d held on warm summer nights with the doors and windows open, and listened to the distant sound of fireworks....)