“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Yesterday evening, when I began to massage Jane’s calf muscles, I discovered that those areas were looser, more “floppy,” than I’d found them to be in some years. Their new state didn’t yet match that of her thighs, but it was much better nevertheless. I thought that if her legs attained equality in their states of looseness, that she would find it much easier to straighten and strengthen them.

(My “discovery” cheered Jane considerably, and she mentioned it several times today. Especially did she comment upon the fears she encounters at bodily changes. Seth has mentioned her fears at times recently; so have we; still, I asked that if she had a session tonight Seth might give some information on the fears. Easing them, I said, would certainly help her body generally.

(Jane had spent a lot of time today either on the couch or the bed [in the latter case making notes], and seemed to be better, generally speaking. After supper she grew particularly relaxed on the couch. I tried to let her know, without pushing, that a session tonight would be helpful, that I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to learn more. Jane decided to have a session by 9:30, then. “I’m so sleepy I could go right to bed. If only I could just feel him around. It’s sure quiet....”

In one way or another many artists of whatever kind seek to physically express these innermost overtones. As Ruburt mentioned, years ago in Sayre he would find someplace in your apartment that seemed somehow secret for his workroom. He would then momentarily, for a while, withdraw from the workaday world. On other occasions he would write nighttimes, letting those hours by themselves create their own moods of secrecy and isolation from the social environment.

Sometimes back then he would not even tell you of projects until he was certain they had jelled. He did not want to talk them out ahead of time.

The fact that some isolation suits you both made the affair palatable enough in the beginning. The idea of a public life—to some extent, now—has hung over his head, so to speak, almost like a threat. He told himself that if he were using his abilities as he should, he would then naturally seek out their public expression.

He took it for granted that, ideally speaking, he should do such public work, that it was his responsibility, but also that it represented a natural expression of abilities that he was denying because of his fears. So often he told himself that if he got better he would only be too glad to go on television or whatever, or to do whatever he was supposed to do.

He has, however, held it over his head that if he improved he should then do such work—and that only fear held him back. He was afraid that the spontaneous self would go overboard in that direction. It is the spontaneous self, of course, as much as any other portion of the personality, that often spontaneously holds back when such issues are considered—the part that is somehow spontaneously offended—a very important point to remember. So the reasoning: “Get better, then you can go out into the world to go on television or whatever,” or “Once you get better, you will be delighted to go on television and tell your story”—those directives simply make the issues more muddy.

(Long pause at 10:35. This turned into a one-minute pause.) The public arena (pause) is not so frightening. It is more factual to say that it goes against the grain as far as Ruburt is concerned. On top of that, however, you have the unconventional aspects of his own work that involves at least some controversy. (Long pause.) If Ruburt wrote other kinds of books—mysteries, for example, or straight novels—he would of course have no trouble explaining them in the public arena. But he would not find that arena anymore to his overall liking.

In that area of thinking, any one interview that is offered becomes a testing ground. The news broadcast (for ABC) for example: Suppose he did say yes, he has thought, and even managed to get by with it in his present condition—how many other such interviews might then be offered? With Sue’s book there have been other opportunities—people who wanted the story from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, and the talk from Prentice of a new campaign publicizing Ruburt’s work. Ruburt didn’t feel free to simply admit that he did not like the public arena. He felt he needed excuses, or in his own eyes and the eyes of others he would seem to be a coward.

Now this idealized self was primarily Ruburt’s—but to some extent also you contributed to it, feeling that anyone as gifted as Ruburt, if he were sure enough of himself, would indeed want to go out in that arena and press forward. You both felt a sense of schism between Ruburt’s physical condition and a hypothetical image of Ruburt as someone getting my material and ideally embodying it, so that if not perfect at least the main aspects of the life were smoothed out without contrasts. (Long pause.) In that regard indeed Ruburt felt as if he could not live up to my creative work—as if his physical being must embody all of the knowledge that came to him through our sessions—another important point.

If Ruburt had wanted to join the public arena, nothing would have kept him out. The feelings of resistance do not signify cowardice, but quite spontaneous objections to activities that largely go against his grain, and certainly when they are presented in such a black or white framework to begin with.

Now spontaneously he would give more sessions for others, quite happily and easily, but in the framework of the situation, the black or white aspect holds back such expression. (Pause.) He would probably see more groups, as you both did at 458 together, were it not for the black or white thinking, but this would be in response to quite spontaneous urgings to do so. (Pause.) The spontaneous self can quite spontaneously say no—and most of his spontaneous feelings toward the public arena are those of quick natural rejection.

The radio shows from the house pleased him for some time, but they also became taboo because he feared they might lead to other engagements of a more public venture that would be difficult to refuse. We are getting some of this through to him—hence the bodily responses, and relaxations. The last few sessions should be read carefully and kept in mind.

(I made quick notes about my insight just now. and transcribe them below without much elaboration. I would say they represent simplistic thinking to some degree—but that, again, I’ve hit on something here that hasn’t been expressed in just this way before. I feel the same mechanisms for understanding operated here as did when I had the insight of February 3—see the deleted session for February 4 [the first in this new series], wherein I wrote that Jane “does the Seth books just to please me.” I think that insight is connected to the following:

(“The issue is, basically, that Jane feels and fears that Seth—the Seth phenomena—could overwhelm her and take over eintirely if she ever permitted it to—subjugating all else that she holds dear; her own talent, her own personality even, so that she would become merely a spokesperson for Seth.”

(“Naturally, she wouldn’t ever let Seth say this, especially without coaxing. All else would come after this primary, basic fear—her dislike of going public, especially when she found out that Seth could easily win a large audience in the country, and perhaps the world. The opposition of science and religion would only reinforce her own personal fears, then—a very important point. She knew she had the ability but feared the consequences of its use socially and personally. At the same time she wanted to use the ability but keep it under control.”

(“It would be easy for her to transpose that basic fear of the psychic abilities and Seth into a fear of spontaneity going too far, and of not working at her desk. The intellect wouldn’t dare give too much leeway to the psychic expression, while at the same time being fascinated by the affair and wanting to study it all. But the intellect would insist upon keeping rigid control, fearing that if Jane let her spontaneous self hold sway that it would go whole hog psychically, in the worst way, and destroy all other elements and activities of the personality.”

(“Jane then wanted to do the Seth books and not do them. All of this reflects black or white thinking, of course. Jane could have ended up in as much trouble by not doing the Seth books as she did by doing them, then. As long as repression was used in either direction the whole personality would suffer. What is vital is that the whole personality understands each of its portions, accepts and believes in them, and trusts in their expression. All else in life would flow from that balanced creative free state of being. All portions of the personality will automatically integrate themselves with the others to the benefit of all. Then decisions can be easily made about what activities to pursue in daily life: what books to write, how to deal with the public, etc.”