“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Yesterday evening, when I began to massage Jane’s calf muscles, I discovered that those areas were looser, more “floppy,” than I’d found them to be in some years. Their new state didn’t yet match that of her thighs, but it was much better nevertheless. I thought that if her legs attained equality in their states of looseness, that she would find it much easier to straighten and strengthen them.

(“Well, I guess I’m about ready,” Jane finally said, “but I do really think this will be short.” She’d said something very similar before launching into the last session, too. Re 458 below: The number of “our” apartment house in Elmira, NY.)

He took it for granted that, ideally speaking, he should do such public work, that it was his responsibility, but also that it represented a natural expression of abilities that he was denying because of his fears. So often he told himself that if he got better he would only be too glad to go on television or whatever, or to do whatever he was supposed to do.

So while he can indeed speak well publicly, that kind of contact does not come easily for him. He might plunge into it at the occasion, but not naturally seek it out. This does not mean he does not enjoy discussing his work with others, with individuals or small groups, carefully chosen or at home, or that he does not enjoy reading poetry, say, on those occasions.

(Long pause at 10:35. This turned into a one-minute pause.) The public arena (pause) is not so frightening. It is more factual to say that it goes against the grain as far as Ruburt is concerned. On top of that, however, you have the unconventional aspects of his own work that involves at least some controversy. (Long pause.) If Ruburt wrote other kinds of books—mysteries, for example, or straight novels—he would of course have no trouble explaining them in the public arena. But he would not find that arena anymore to his overall liking.

Now this idealized self was primarily Ruburt’s—but to some extent also you contributed to it, feeling that anyone as gifted as Ruburt, if he were sure enough of himself, would indeed want to go out in that arena and press forward. You both felt a sense of schism between Ruburt’s physical condition and a hypothetical image of Ruburt as someone getting my material and ideally embodying it, so that if not perfect at least the main aspects of the life were smoothed out without contrasts. (Long pause.) In that regard indeed Ruburt felt as if he could not live up to my creative work—as if his physical being must embody all of the knowledge that came to him through our sessions—another important point.

If Ruburt had wanted to join the public arena, nothing would have kept him out. The feelings of resistance do not signify cowardice, but quite spontaneous objections to activities that largely go against his grain, and certainly when they are presented in such a black or white framework to begin with.

Now spontaneously he would give more sessions for others, quite happily and easily, but in the framework of the situation, the black or white aspect holds back such expression. (Pause.) He would probably see more groups, as you both did at 458 together, were it not for the black or white thinking, but this would be in response to quite spontaneous urgings to do so. (Pause.) The spontaneous self can quite spontaneously say no—and most of his spontaneous feelings toward the public arena are those of quick natural rejection.

The radio shows from the house pleased him for some time, but they also became taboo because he feared they might lead to other engagements of a more public venture that would be difficult to refuse. We are getting some of this through to him—hence the bodily responses, and relaxations. The last few sessions should be read carefully and kept in mind.

(“Nope.” I had some, actually, but could see that it was time for Jane to get out of her chair.)

(I made quick notes about my insight just now. and transcribe them below without much elaboration. I would say they represent simplistic thinking to some degree—but that, again, I’ve hit on something here that hasn’t been expressed in just this way before. I feel the same mechanisms for understanding operated here as did when I had the insight of February 3—see the deleted session for February 4 [the first in this new series], wherein I wrote that Jane “does the Seth books just to please me.” I think that insight is connected to the following:

(“Naturally, she wouldn’t ever let Seth say this, especially without coaxing. All else would come after this primary, basic fear—her dislike of going public, especially when she found out that Seth could easily win a large audience in the country, and perhaps the world. The opposition of science and religion would only reinforce her own personal fears, then—a very important point. She knew she had the ability but feared the consequences of its use socially and personally. At the same time she wanted to use the ability but keep it under control.”

(“It would be easy for her to transpose that basic fear of the psychic abilities and Seth into a fear of spontaneity going too far, and of not working at her desk. The intellect wouldn’t dare give too much leeway to the psychic expression, while at the same time being fascinated by the affair and wanting to study it all. But the intellect would insist upon keeping rigid control, fearing that if Jane let her spontaneous self hold sway that it would go whole hog psychically, in the worst way, and destroy all other elements and activities of the personality.”