“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The fact that some isolation suits you both made the affair palatable enough in the beginning. The idea of a public life—to some extent, now—has hung over his head, so to speak, almost like a threat. He told himself that if he were using his abilities as he should, he would then naturally seek out their public expression.

He took it for granted that, ideally speaking, he should do such public work, that it was his responsibility, but also that it represented a natural expression of abilities that he was denying because of his fears. So often he told himself that if he got better he would only be too glad to go on television or whatever, or to do whatever he was supposed to do.

He did not start out being a public speaker, for example. He likes the distance between himself and the public that books provide (emphatically). He is excellent at communicating ideas in writing or vocally, gifted in understanding people—so those abilities do come to his aid in public speaking engagements.

(It’s Thursday night [2/12] as I finish typing this session. As I typed the paragraph on page @38-39 of the material, I had the insight described below. I think it came to me because of my concern recently over the new idea I’d come across—concerning Jane’s ideas about her relationship with Seth, her feelings about her abilities versus his, etc. I must admit that I am still rather surprised to understand, finally, that Jane has entertained feelings of inferiority about her abilities as related to those of Seth.

(“Naturally, she wouldn’t ever let Seth say this, especially without coaxing. All else would come after this primary, basic fear—her dislike of going public, especially when she found out that Seth could easily win a large audience in the country, and perhaps the world. The opposition of science and religion would only reinforce her own personal fears, then—a very important point. She knew she had the ability but feared the consequences of its use socially and personally. At the same time she wanted to use the ability but keep it under control.”

(“It would be easy for her to transpose that basic fear of the psychic abilities and Seth into a fear of spontaneity going too far, and of not working at her desk. The intellect wouldn’t dare give too much leeway to the psychic expression, while at the same time being fascinated by the affair and wanting to study it all. But the intellect would insist upon keeping rigid control, fearing that if Jane let her spontaneous self hold sway that it would go whole hog psychically, in the worst way, and destroy all other elements and activities of the personality.”