“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Long pause, one of many, at 9:36.) Ruburt’s background formed its own relative uniqueness—the household was charged. Give us a moment.... Ruburt picked that background because it afforded certain opportunities. Those opportunities involved emotional understanding, a very close and emotional contact with a particular belief system, and a firsthand view of a certain kind of reality structure.

Why should anyone choose that kind of a lifetime? That was one of many, many questions (pause) that Ruburt had slated for himself. Where did that kind of belief system end up? How could it be altered or adjusted or rearranged to suit the needs of his own generation—or had it served all of its purposes? What were its benefits as well as its unfortunate aspects? How did creativity operate under such conditions?

Now to some extent each person tests the nature of reality in each life for himself or herself, and also for the entire generation. How can life be made better? So all of that was a portion of Ruburt’s challenge. Marie’s purposes were her own, but the two obviously embarked on a relationship together, knowing that it would go so far and be relatively unsatisfactory.

(Long pause at 9:17.) The emotional situation did not lean in that direction: they had parted too many years before. It was as if Marie were saying, “This is the kind of a life those beliefs can create. Now you go out and see what you can do to change it.” Those events also added high drama, rich content, and provided unique creative material. Even in that background and with Marie’s behavior, Ruburt received a grounding in poetry, you see. His mother tried her writing. It would never have occurred to your mother to try short stories.

(Long pause at 9:32.) Worse, its questions were largely ignored, so that its panic grew. Another portion of the self seemed to be initiating an entirely different system of reality, in complete opposition to that early background, and the Sinful Self was bound to react with some alarm. It is already beginning to change its views. It wanted the communication to begin with. In the meantime Ruburt felt—because of those beliefs—to some extent now, I am simplifying —that he could not do enough, produce enough, help himself or others enough, that he could not satisfy you enough in many areas, because he felt he was so flawed to begin with, therefore he did not deserve love, and would have to work for it, or plead for it.