“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt’s mother often told him she wished the birth had not taken place, and that Ruburt had not been born. She let Ruburt know that she wanted a boy —a son—rather than a daughter to begin with. So Ruburt felt that he was certainly a disappointment to say the least.

(Long pause at 9:32.) Worse, its questions were largely ignored, so that its panic grew. Another portion of the self seemed to be initiating an entirely different system of reality, in complete opposition to that early background, and the Sinful Self was bound to react with some alarm. It is already beginning to change its views. It wanted the communication to begin with. In the meantime Ruburt felt—because of those beliefs—to some extent now, I am simplifying —that he could not do enough, produce enough, help himself or others enough, that he could not satisfy you enough in many areas, because he felt he was so flawed to begin with, therefore he did not deserve love, and would have to work for it, or plead for it.