“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

His overconscientiousness as a young person, and his intense concern—overconcern—at times with the literal “truth” of any given situation, is and was largely his reaction to his mother’s habitual, often mischievous lying pattern. He had not realized that earlier.

His mother’s pathological lying meant that Ruburt had to assess and reassess any given situation as a child. He determined not to be malicious as his mother was. His anxiousness led to the most severe examinations of conscience, such examinations being a recommended Catholic practice.

The information came in a natural manner—which is, again, excellent. I do not want to rehash his entire early background, but it is important that he become aware of its emotional content. I wanted to make a few additional points. Ruburt became aware of non-Catholic Christianity to any degree only after our sessions began. The Sinful Self is quite as evident there as it is in the Catholic Church. The Protestant version is often intermixed, however, with psychic organizations. In that light, as in the Catholic one, the female’s guilt is seen as even larger than the male’s. So that additional pressure is cast upon the women, who are indeed seen as spiritually inferior—or (underlined) on the other hand painted as pure, pedestal-like individuals in the manner of the Blessed Virgin. That particular subject matter can be discussed at another time. Ruburt has often wondered at the poor quality of most intuitional material, particularly since it is supposed to be so important. The truth of course is not intrinsically in the nature of the material itself, but in the very fact that it is almost exclusively translated in terms of Christian thought, however bizarre that interpretation might be. For that matter, such material often simply restates the entire concept of the Sinful Self in different form. Often that form is highly inflammatory. The main point is a good one to remember, however.

(9:01.) Ruburt’s intuitions, his nature, his creative abilities, and his intellect, have led him into a study of the nature of reality, as, again, he sought to find a larger framework of reference. And he has pursued that course vigorously even when he did not consciously see the continuity of such a project at any given time.

When memories come concerning his background, then these can be used to provide a necessary feedback system. Ruburt’s feelings of panic can then be understood as originating in response to a highly complicated, intense early life, and in concrete situations. There is no doubt that he was mistreated. Ruburt’s mind was concerned with the larger framework, however, in which his mother’s life existed. He could not be satisfied with an answer like, “That is what life is,” or with a simplistic denouncement of man’s basic nature.

The sessions themselves work to activate many different levels of activity, and to provide source material. Many of Ruburt’s current attitudes, for example, will at least make more sense to him as he sees that they originated in response to situations against which a child had no recourse. Ruburt did not tell anyone about his mother’s lying, for example, not until he was in his teens, and he was too ashamed of how his mother often treated him to tell anyone.

(9:21.) That treatment reinforced his beliefs that he must indeed be a wicked or sinful person. Remember all of this material, again, in the light of what was said about his public image. Where he felt he was expected to behave in an almost supersaintly fashion—for you have of course two completely different versions of the self there, each unreasonable.

(Pause.) With the God of Jane Ruburt beautifully and expertly described his own experiences with beliefs, and at least hinted of his background. At the same time he felt that he should be offering more: the public image, the saintly understanding, and so forth.

I am pacing these sessions now, granting the four or so a week, according to his own experiences, so that the material can also be assimilated along the way. The last few sessions are highly important. (Long pause.) Some of that material is now being used by the so-called Sinful Self itself—which is now open to new information. It is quite earnest in its own desire to “be good,” or to feel a sense of grace in its being, so it does understand that kind of purpose.