“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Yesterday was Easter, and a very quiet day in the neighborhood. We’ve been very busy. Jane called me at 8 PM for the session. We had lots to get information about.

(We didn’t get to bed last night until 1 AM. By 3:30 Jane had had a series of three or four dreams—very pleasant in the main, containing “a prognosis, as though I’d made a good decision. The intent of one of them was pretty specific.” She sat up in bed and wrote them down, which took her half an hour or so. Copies of them are attached to this session.

(When she tried to get back to sleep, however, she kept waking up very sore, and took aspirin at 5 AM. At the same time she “knew my body was trying out some new positions in bed, like it used to before all this happened. I also knew I was working out some conflicts, and I wasn’t worried. But then after I decided to stay in bed when you got up, the panicky stuff started.... I tried to remember what Seth had said, and follow the feelings through so I wouldn’t repress any of them....”

(True—for from my painting room I could hear her turning and tossing restlessly in bed all morning.... “Panic and fear—fright—is the closest I can come to it all,” she said. “Nothing evil, but certainly a fear of letting go, of expression, maybe abandonment.” All of this was accompanied by strong physical sensations of her being sore.

(Then when I called her at noon, Jane cried for at least half an hour. It was hard for her to verbalize her feelings, to even tell me about them, but she felt waves of panic and fear sweep through her—not hidden or covered up now, but faced and admitted, although with much difficulty. These feelings lingered throughout the day, though they seemed to be about gone at session time. Perhaps it was just exhaustion, for she felt quite relaxed by now. We didn’t discuss the dreams or the crying experience, or even read a session after breakfast. Nor have I read her notes on the dreams. “I’d decided I’d deal directly with the world again in the first dream,” she said. She plans to type them for this session.

(The whole experience was obviously very therapeutic, and to me it seemed like an excellent sign of encountering beliefs that had helped create her Sinful Self. Truly, Jane has gone about as far physically as she can with her physical blockages: It was some little while before she could trust herself enough to get from her bed to the chair, and longer before she could move from her chair to the toilet seat.

(Watching her struggle to do this reminded me of the fix we both face, and that must be resolved. It was also a reminder of how far she had carried her resistance to change and confrontation with the Sinful Self—and often without my really understanding just how badly off she is. Once again in the bathroom I was amazed that any belief could have such a powerful effect upon a person that they would tolerate such physical limitations day after day, year after year, rather than to come to terms with them in an effort to obtain at least some relief. I’d still like some material from Seth on why the personality would choose to go to such lengths in the name of self- protection.... I didn’t mention any of this to Jane, since she had done so well today, but do want to make note of my feelings here.

(This afternoon I mowed grass for the first time, and trimmed a tree or two. After returning to the house, I felt a return of my own panicky feelings in my chest and throat as I made ready for a nap. After I got up, the pendulum told me the feelings came because I resented having to do the yard work without Jane being able to help me. The fact of doing the work itself was innocent, I learned. Nor do I have heart trouble. Once I obtained the necessary information the feelings disappeared, and I was quite comfortable eating supper. And again, I did not discuss this situation with Jane.

Now: even as a young person, Ruburt was the type of person who was considered out of place, rebellious, or even slightly dangerous in any Roman Catholic congregation—particularly in the time of his own youth.

(Leaning back on the couch, eyes closed:) When Ruburt was a church member, however, the church itself was there, easily identified. To some extent later, even when it was a worthy opponent, Ruburt could see where his own ideas fit in or did not. There was only so much leeway granted, so much questioning allowed—for beyond a certain point of course the entire dogmatic structure would fall apart.

(Long pause.) Many other people were making that same leap at that time in your society. He was far from any scientist, of course. He did poorly in science in college, for that matter, for if his mind was too scientific for religious dogma, it was too creative and emotional for conventional scientific thought.

Even later, as he began writing science fiction, that writing fell under the then less envious label of science fantasy (underlined), which was not considered as pure in science-fiction circles.

(Long pause.) “The church” was not a hypothetical entity, but was encountered through Ruburt’s experience with the priests who visited, their effect upon his life and his poetry, and with the entire fabric of a young intense daily life. If the church became upset with what Ruburt wrote or read, then Father Ryan burned one of his books, or argued with his poetry, for example, so all of that was living emotional content.

Ruburt’s creative abilities still had those classical models, yet because of his mind’s originality and his natural intuitive nature; those creative abilities were also fueled by unofficial information: he was always to some extent in strong connection with the knowledge possessed by his natural person—and that knowledge kept seeking expression. Its expression directly contradicted first religious then scientific precepts. It kept seeking a larger framework for its own fulfillment and expression, of course, and at the same time it seemed to Ruburt it brought about further dissension. It made him more of a rebel.

(9:34.) Through the last few years religious fundamentalism has begun to grow, bringing to the forefront in exaggerated form many of the old beliefs with which Ruburt thought he had dispensed so neatly. Science, if it bothered, might label him a fool, but fundamental religion could label him as evil, or claim his work was inspired by the devil in Christian terms, and so the old beliefs in the Sinful Self or evil self were activated.

Religion, having in certain terms created the entire concept, had then to create the idea of redemption to rectify it. Ruburt has not been able to utilize the natural grace of the basic self because of those beliefs in their sinful nature. Those feelings were the ones that he experienced this morning—the fear that the self’s very expression was somehow wrong, since the self itself was intrinsically flawed. Your own lovemaking the other evening, and your renewed expressions of affection, helped initiate the entire experience, by letting Ruburt feel safe enough to be aware of and experience those sensations. Of course they reflect upon the body. They seek expression. It is not that they are so fearful in themselves, but the effort to repress them gives them additional charge.

I want to emphasize again the poor reputation held by both science and religion concerning unofficial knowledge, an attitude clearly put forth in many tales and legends, from Adam and Eve to Pandora’s box to the Frankenstein monster. Ruburt felt he was someone who was bound to have access to such information. You did extremely well in helping him with the day’s events. End of session, unless you have a question.

(“Good night, Seth. Thank you.” 9:55 PM. Once again, I told Jane the session was excellent—especially the material on this page.)