“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The whole experience was obviously very therapeutic, and to me it seemed like an excellent sign of encountering beliefs that had helped create her Sinful Self. Truly, Jane has gone about as far physically as she can with her physical blockages: It was some little while before she could trust herself enough to get from her bed to the chair, and longer before she could move from her chair to the toilet seat.

(This afternoon I mowed grass for the first time, and trimmed a tree or two. After returning to the house, I felt a return of my own panicky feelings in my chest and throat as I made ready for a nap. After I got up, the pendulum told me the feelings came because I resented having to do the yard work without Jane being able to help me. The fact of doing the work itself was innocent, I learned. Nor do I have heart trouble. Once I obtained the necessary information the feelings disappeared, and I was quite comfortable eating supper. And again, I did not discuss this situation with Jane.

Now: even as a young person, Ruburt was the type of person who was considered out of place, rebellious, or even slightly dangerous in any Roman Catholic congregation—particularly in the time of his own youth.

(Leaning back on the couch, eyes closed:) When Ruburt was a church member, however, the church itself was there, easily identified. To some extent later, even when it was a worthy opponent, Ruburt could see where his own ideas fit in or did not. There was only so much leeway granted, so much questioning allowed—for beyond a certain point of course the entire dogmatic structure would fall apart.

Science, of course, insists it searches for such knowledge, while at the same time narrowing its acceptable field of definitions so that it effectively blocks any information that does not agree with its own precepts. (Pause.) Both science and religion, generally speaking, provide certain services, which again generally speaking can be withheld to those who rebel against such authorities.

The church can excommunicate you. Science in its position of authority can mock those who disagree with it. Ruburt’s basic beliefs of the Sinful Self were formed in childhood, individually interpreted through his own experience, given strong emotional validity in other words, and emotional charge.

Ruburt’s creative abilities still had those classical models, yet because of his mind’s originality and his natural intuitive nature; those creative abilities were also fueled by unofficial information: he was always to some extent in strong connection with the knowledge possessed by his natural person—and that knowledge kept seeking expression. Its expression directly contradicted first religious then scientific precepts. It kept seeking a larger framework for its own fulfillment and expression, of course, and at the same time it seemed to Ruburt it brought about further dissension. It made him more of a rebel.

It took some time before such a framework began to develop—a kind of double one—represented by my work and by his own—an excellent accomplishment, of course. Also an accomplishment that clearly stood out as a direct challenge to religion and science, that not only contradicted their theories but offered an alternate framework through which reality could be experienced.

The term “morality” is a poor one, yet in the simplest of terms men are born with the knowledge of their own basic goodness—so in the simplest of terms they seek good actions. It is when dogmas distort the natural goodness that trouble develops. It is not natural to feel you exist in a sinful state.

Religion, having in certain terms created the entire concept, had then to create the idea of redemption to rectify it. Ruburt has not been able to utilize the natural grace of the basic self because of those beliefs in their sinful nature. Those feelings were the ones that he experienced this morning—the fear that the self’s very expression was somehow wrong, since the self itself was intrinsically flawed. Your own lovemaking the other evening, and your renewed expressions of affection, helped initiate the entire experience, by letting Ruburt feel safe enough to be aware of and experience those sensations. Of course they reflect upon the body. They seek expression. It is not that they are so fearful in themselves, but the effort to repress them gives them additional charge.