“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He began to search actually from childhood in a natural fashion toward some larger framework that would offer an explanation for reality that bore at least some resemblance to the natural vision of his best poetry. I have said before that many creative people, highly gifted, have died young in one way or the other because their great gifts of creativity could find no clear room in which to grow. They became strangled by the beliefs of the cultural times.

(Long pause.) Ruburt broke through both psychically and creatively—that is, the sessions almost immediately provided him with new creative inspiration and expression and with the expansions needed psychologically that would help fulfill his promise as a writer and as a mature personality. He was still left, however, with the beliefs in the Sinful Self, and carried within him many deep fears that told him that self-expression itself and spontaneity were highly dangerous.

(Long pause at 9:48.) As he became better known, so it seemed greater demands were put upon him. Another image of the self comes into consideration, so that it seems to him that he is expected to be nearly a saintly self—or at least that he is regarded as someone who is expected to perform in an altogether superlative fashion. Almost a superself: Again, an excellent television personality, an accomplished healer and clairvoyant, and writer and teacher to boot.

In the light of this discussion, now, that self was as unrealistic at its end of the spectrum as the Sinful Self was at the other, for Ruburt felt that he was supposed to demonstrate a certain kind of superhuman feat, not only managing on occasion to uncover glimpses of man’s greater abilities, but to demonstrate these competently at the drop of a hat, willingly at the request of others. At the same time he believed he was the Sinful Self, and that expression was highly dangerous—so between those two frameworks, the psychological organization, he operated as best he could, still seeking toward the natural value fulfillment that was his natural heritage.

(Long pause.) The superself image itself seemed to condemn him, of course, since he felt he could not live up to it—and therefore along the line somewhere both the superself and the Sinful Self became in their ways joined, or at least allied. Through all of that Ruburt of course looked for further creative developments and intuitive breakthroughs, for, again, he needed more room.

In the meantime, since he was older, and in the light of our sessions, it seemed to him that he must have outgrown many of the beliefs of early childhood, and that he must have enough perspective so that those earlier feelings and fears no longer applied. They were highly unpleasant.

Now those books were the result of value fulfillment and creativity. They were necessary projections of understanding and growth. They were also bound to bring the entire concept into light, to bring the problem to the surface. Ruburt therefore encountered newer bouts of symptoms that effectively demonstrated and mirrored the feeling of lack of mobility. Again, he needed room to grow.

(10:08.) The psychic abilities and the creative abilities—nearly impossible to separate—themselves provide all of the help that he requires, but the concept of the Sinful Self prevented him from using those abilities sufficiently—for how can the expressions of the Sinful Self be trusted?

(10:17.) Ruburt was not responsible for his mother’s reality, for her characteristics, reactions, or beliefs. He was not responsible for her marriage, its breakup, for his mother’s illness, again, or for the entire “tragedy” that he sees as his mother’s life.

(Long pause.) He acted toward her according to his own understanding the best that he could. He does not need to punish himself in any way for any actions or any omissions in that relationship. This does not mean he could not have acted better in any particular instance, perhaps, for that can be said about almost anyone.

(A one-minute pause at 10:22.) Ruburt chose his environment. Ruburt chose his parents for his own lifetime: he was born in the right place at the right time. Now in that larger light, even the concept of the Sinful Self has its reasoning, for it is once again shared by millions of people for centuries. Ruburt set out to shoot it down.

The mass reality is ready for such a change. (Long pause.) In the past the Sinful-Self idea was so a part of Ruburt’s conditioning that it set up an entire framework of behavior. The need to justify life through writing, the exaggerated need for protection from the deceptive unconscious and the unsafe world, and the concept itself were so involved with his entire thinking patterns that he could not isolate it to see where and how it bore upon his activities. Now we can separate those strands.