“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We haven’t had a session for three weeks now. To my mind, our situation has steadily deteriorated. I think it came to a head yesterday, when I finally realized that for the last few days Jane had cut down her visits to the bathroom to just two times a day—upon arising, and before going to bed. Her reason for this, when I questioned her, was that “it hurts to move. But I’m working on it.”

(I did not understand what there was to work on about going to the john, since it was absolutely essential that one do so. I told her that as I understood such matters, her behavior could lead to uremic poisoning, or dehydration, should she compensate for “holding it” for such long periods by cutting down on her intake of liquids. I added that dehydration could be just as fatal as uremic poisoning. It was all too obvious that she had reacted to her problems about as far as she could go, at least in that direction.

(A remark she made yesterday probably had helped crystallize my own new determination to do something about what seemed to be a badly eroding situation: She said that Tam had recently told her that Mass Events was due to be published on the 13th—today—with God of Jane due out early in May. These two books are, I think we agree, the most recent triggers that she has responded to in a negative way, so yesterday I suddenly realized that Jane must be reacting presently to the imminent publication of those two works. It seemed obvious. I knew they were due out soon, but slipped up in my own awareness that their publication could—would cause her additional problems; my opinion was based on her paper of last December, in which she wrote that from its very inception she had been concerned about the reception Mass Events would be accorded by various elements of the public.

(The pendulum session was not a success, in my opinion. I didn’t think Jane asked specific-enough questions, that she was somehow reluctant to or unable to do so—even that she appeared to be somewhat ill at ease while using it. She was upset of course, and so was I. I went to bed very unhappy with our situation—and I suppose that that feeling helped lead me to the group of statements below the next morning, and this session.

(2. She is to call Tam to verify that the two books in question are to be published as expected. Especially important here was Mass Events, which I regard as the main trigger of the moment.

(Jane has had several vivid dreams since we held the last session; they’ve been of the type described in recent private sessions—combinations of nightmarish events and characters, along with flashes of insight into the causes for the symptoms, and visions of herself walking normally, etc. But she’s written very little on them. However, they’ve been valuable in showing that she is still contending with previously buried fears. We keep hoping these will play in important part in letting her achieve more physical release. But at the moment it seems that everything is difficult, or worse, especially so when I worry about how far she has to go simply to get her legs to straighten out at least partially. I did feel, I told her, that a time of decision was very near.

(As soon as I’d finished reading my list of points to her, this morning, Jane called Tam about the publication of Mass Events. He told her the book hadn’t arrived in the office yet, but that he expected it to, and that he would check to see if it was on schedule. He would then send us the usual first copy.)

His own writing underwent its own kinds of transformation, however, and indeed it began those translations years ago, even before the sessions, so that for example even the science fiction could no longer contain or camouflage the larger intuitive framework that he was developing.

(Almost with a laugh:) I was ready to tell you. Those areas include the psychic one, the creative one, the financial one, and the mental one. That is, there are areas of your lives that operate quite smoothly, yet in a fashion almost outside of your conscious direction. What I mean is that these areas bring you most fruitful rewards, so that to a degree you take them for granted, without being aware of the manipulations that occur to bring them about.

(This was one of the spots where I felt like interrupting Seth to protest that I for one—and Jane. too, I believe—do not take such benefits for granted. I try to be grateful each day for what we have, while still being aware that the mechanisms that deliver those benefits to us may operate largely on unconscious levels.)

Ruburt’s abilities carry along with them all of the support, protection and strength he needs to use them freely and creatively, but he has not understood that that was so. That sentence should be completely underlined.

(9:46.) The closest answer I can give you, I thought, was clear in tonight’s session, but to clear it further: (Long pause.) He believed that his motion was blocked, that belief was physically expressed. It was to bring the situation out into the open, as indeed the feelings of panic also served to make him consciously aware of the difficulty—a difficulty that basically has to do with psychological motion and growth.

(9:58 PM. Jane had done well. She was very quiet when she came out of trance. I felt that some sort of start had been made when I asked my questions and spoke my mind at the end of the session. As noted earlier, I’d wanted to interrupt a number of times while Seth was speaking.

(Jane remembered my talking to Seth—the longest exchange I’d had with him for years. She explained that in trance she was aware of my questions “in the back of her mind,” and of Seth answering them, and that in a way the questions would get in the way of what Seth was trying to say; they could interrupt too deeply; I’d known this from a few infrequent, much earlier, experiences in the sessions, and had often thought that if too persistent the questions could bring her out of trance. But now I felt that we had to do something drastic to make a start, and that we had achieved something.

(“We’ve got to get the information,” I told Jane, and found myself repeating a lot of what I’d said to Seth; I felt the emotional charges behind the questions once again. Jane was very glum. “But I’m running into trouble coping with this thing,” I told her, “and I need your help. I have to get it, too—otherwise there are going to be drastic changes in our lives.”

(“Well, I know I’m right.” I said. “I’ve seen the same situation come up many times in the past, and let it go, but we can’t do that now....” And I didn’t even get to mention the doctor-hospital option to Seth. I did tell Jane I understood what Frank Longwell was doing, and appreciated his efforts to help, so generously given. But I added that FL could massage her legs “till doomsday,” and it would do little good until we came to terms with the basic causes behind the symptoms.