“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We’ve had several of our famous discussions since the last session on March 25. I feel caught in contradictions—for if Jane’s new feelings in her hips and legs are signs of new muscular activity, as she thinks, and as Frank Longwell agrees, that’s good news; yet those same feelings, her acute and prolonged bodily discomfort, her aches and pains, have caused her to become almost totally inactive. As I wrote in question 13 some weeks ago now, she has surrendered just about all activity except that involved with getting up and lying down, eating, going to the bathroom on a very limited basis, and puttering about in her breezeway writing room for an hour or so on occasion. She’s managed to get her poetry book out to Prentice, and now is not at work on any writing. She’s even let go writing up her recent dream material, some of which has been excellent, with apparent precognitive information of a positive nature.

(6. The next step will be to seek medical help—namely, going to a hospital for tests, therapy, diagnosis, medication, whatever. I plan to ask Paul O’Neill about how to get her admitted, or at least examined. Or I’ll go to a hospital myself and ask to talk to someone. The idea isn’t that a stay in the hospital will work a miracle cure —though I’d be delighted if it did —but that some help or easing of Jane’s symptoms might eventually be achieved through therapy or whatever. My personal opinion at the moment is that we should have taken this step a long time ago. Interesting, to speculate about why I’ve concurred in Jane’s dogged avoidance in seeking establishment medical help.

(Jane has had several vivid dreams since we held the last session; they’ve been of the type described in recent private sessions—combinations of nightmarish events and characters, along with flashes of insight into the causes for the symptoms, and visions of herself walking normally, etc. But she’s written very little on them. However, they’ve been valuable in showing that she is still contending with previously buried fears. We keep hoping these will play in important part in letting her achieve more physical release. But at the moment it seems that everything is difficult, or worse, especially so when I worry about how far she has to go simply to get her legs to straighten out at least partially. I did feel, I told her, that a time of decision was very near.

(Pause.) Both physical stalling of late—and the dreams and occasional feelings of panic—have been incentives of a kind to deal with the deeper beliefs. Those beliefs involve the freedom to move and grow safely and fully to one’s capacities within the framework of your current society.

(See the attached dreams of Jane, for April 4, 6, and 12. The latter has a distinct bearing on the events of tomorrow morning, Tuesday the 14th.)