“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I’m also trying to whip up some enthusiasm to begin work on Seth’s latest book, Dreams, “Evolution,” and Value Fulfillment, for which we recently signed the contract, and took money. [The contract was countersigned on March 22.] “Don’t worry,” I said to Jane in the hospital, “I know who’s going to do the rest of the work on the book....” Meaning that I could see she wasn’t going to be able to contribute much physical work on it at this time. Therefore, actually producing the physical work for the publisher was going to be up to me, and I was anxious to begin work on this once we’ve established some sort of viable daily routine revolving around Jane’s nursing care, sleeping schedule, medication, etc.

(The contradictory thing was, as I’d told her the other day, that I didn’t think we were going to get anywhere in solving our dilemmas until we tapped into the session routine again. Otherwise, we’d be left to struggle within the establishment just as everyone else did. Yet each time I wanted to try something, Jane was having difficulty focusing. Just as I was about to give up for this evening, Jane came awake again and said rather firmly, “I’ve passed a certain point, Bob, and now I can do it....” meaning that she’d have a session after all. “But it’ll be a real short one.” And I knew it would be good.

Therefore, a kind of momentary gap appeared between his life and his living of it—a pause and a hesitation (pause) became obvious between his life and what he would do with it, as his condition showed just before the hospital hiatus.

We do not want long drawn-out discussions of why and what exactly happened, simply to understand the dynamics of the activity. Ruburt can work with the self-image he has now. It is imperfect, but it is pliable and willing to change.

(9:25 PM. Jane’s pace had generally been okay, considering the circumstances. “I felt like when I got slow there a couple of times that it didn’t have anything to do with dozing off,” she said, referring to a few longer pauses. “It was just a normal, I don’t know, thing....” I told her she’d done well. “It was more than I thought I could do,” she said, “but I really got worried tonight when I started dozing off like that.” I replied that all along I’d felt she could do more than she’d thought she could, and such had been the case.

(A note: I haven’t answered fan mail since bringing Jane home from the hospital on March 28, and already it is beginning to pile up. I kept up with it religiously while visiting Jane each day for the month she was in the hospital. Since returning to the house, though, I’ve had absolutely no time at all for the mail, and have stopped answering it except for business and an occasional exceptional letter, or a request for a visit, etc. I don’t know whether I regret my actions or not. Now the mail has retreated way into the background, even though I don’t forget what it means, that we get such a response from what we do, and that each of those writers is sincere, and in my opinion deserving of an answer.

(Sue Watkins has offered to help with the mail, but I don’t know what to do —guess I’m afraid that once it’s out of our house and hands the situation would turn into a mess. I also don’t want to give up physical possession of the letters, I notice. One option we’ve considered is having a temporary postcard printed up referring to our hassles with Jane’s illness, that we can’t answer mail at this time except to say thanks, and that later we may be able to. I think that at the moment that’s our best way to go, even if it means broadcasting the fact of Jane’s troubles. At least the replies would be from us....)