“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This is more or less what I was getting, and told Rob, though I’ve probably forgotten some things. That Rob was having a “body vacation” or that his body was taking a vacation, a rest; and that the contrast between his floppy state and his usual one would let him know how tight he’d been.... Something about us not taking vacations….and even not wanting to rest between mental creative projects; that Rob had his stomach troubles when he needed a rest....a vacation of some sort could have prevented that....but since we prefer to do things differently, we should frequently arrange changes in our lives....that we control....changes in the house, routine, hours....or even a week off to do the house or yard or whatever.... The mind wears the body out sometimes....and then the body sends signals of distress....

(We should consider such changes as a part of our working life, to provide refreshment; otherwise we just stew because we’re not “creative or working” or whatever....even furniture rearranging or changing whole rooms to different functions can be considered a vacation of a sort, and while I’ve always felt guilty at involving Rob in changing furniture—but do, anyhow. Seth said this was good sense and impulse on my part....

(Late yesterday afternoon [Monday], we were visited by Larry Dowler of the Yale Archives. He told us many things and answered—and asked—many questions. Seth came through briefly several times, and very humorously, to handle certain questions himself. Among other things, he said that “there is no place for the Seth material to be kept,” that “you have to make a place for it, for it is unique.” The interludes weren’t recorded, to my regret. Seth did express his own willingness to have the material available to the public, but Jane and I are much less sure of that.

(In the last three days I’ve learned a number of interesting things about my continuing physical upsets—and will list some of my pendulum material should any portion of this session refer to them. The deleted session for April 18 has helped a great deal. My own insights through the pendulum tell me, for example, why Seth in that last private session said I have a “nervous stomach,” but nothing about the other hassles like, say, the side or groin. [It all seems to stem from the initial stomach difficulty.] I need to study more. I still don’t want to burden Jane with a series of sessions on my own problems. I know I can—and am—working them out. Each bit of information is bound to help.

(They are much longer than they need to be for session notes, but I want the more detailed account for my own possible use in the indefinite future:

(Not long after finishing Monday’s notes, then, we sat for the session. I didn’t feel too well. Within a few minutes, however, I noticed that I was becoming quite relaxed. I sat with this notebook on my lap but didn’t exert myself to open it. My arms and legs, and head and neck, began to feel looser and looser. “It looks like I picked up a suggestion about relaxation,” I told Jane. “But I’ll be okay. I want to have the session,” I said in answer to her questions. She sat opposite me, smoking, waiting to go into trance. My head flopped back against the couch. “Wow....”

(I insisted I could take notes okay, even as the feeling deepened. The malaise became more profound. I didn’t feel like writing the notes I wanted to about what was happening. Indeed, I didn’t even feel like taking the cap off the pen. The sensations were extremely pleasant—and heavy, yet looser and looser. My eyes closed. I sat motionless for minutes at a time, bathing in a most beneficial, relaxed state. It was actually one I’d been trying to approximate ever since I’d begun to feel bad after finishing checking all the page proofs for the books we have coming out this year. But when I’d told myself I wanted to relax, I’d had no idea such a profound state could be obtained. I had approached it in a casual way through self-hypnosis: the same lax, heavy looseness in the limbs when I made the effort to move. I savored the experience now because I felt at a deep peace and my body was almost free of aches and pains. But at the same time I wanted to know more.

(Jane sat on the couch in her usual place to my left. By now I was far out of it: I doubt if I could have moved except in the direst emergency. As Jane talked I fell asleep a number of times. She said I snored so loudly that she had to turn the TV volume up in order to hear the programs. During half-waking periods I was conscious of my lower jaw continually dropping, so that I sat with my mouth gaping open in a most uncharacteristic manner. I slept through deep, immensely enjoyable and totally saturating periods of relaxation. After a while my arms began to twitch and jump spasmodically without my conscious volition. These reflexive reactions continued for some time, even later in the evening when I began to come out of the heavy sleep periods. But while they were happening I cared not at all.

(Jane, hungry, ate cookies and drank a glass of milk I’d set out for myself before the session. Lately during sessions she’s been sipping red wine. When I could speak coherently, I offered her the piece of cornbread I’d set out with the milk, but she refused it. By now, I was conscious enough to sit with her through the balance of a dated mystery movie starring Rock Hudson. [He was caught as the murderer, finally.]

(When I finally tried to get on my feet to get Jane more milk, however, I realized that my situation was far from over. I staggered around in the kitchen, taking six-inch steps with more than a little effort and caution. My knees felt loose as could be, but the muscles in the legs were heavy and stolid. I poured more milk for both of us, and ate the cornbread, half asleep as I did these things. When we decided to retire I shuffled about the house, cleaning up and locking doors and windows as Jane made ready for bed. I could have cheerfully collapsed at any time. I bumped into walls and door-jambs, or leaned on tables for support for minutes at a time. I yawned deeply and wished only for bed, over and over again.

(But nevertheless, I knew I was having a most beneficial experience, and one that might very well head off other, deeper troubles. This I understood quite clearly. I believed Jane-Seth’s material about my being on a “body vacation.” It was impossible for me not to believe it, considering that I’d felt so poorly since early in the month, and that I was so much better right now. I just hoped more beneficial results would flow from the experience, and I was appalled that I’d been that badly off, that “tight,” so that my body greatly needed such a drastic kind of relief.

On the one hand, you pursued your version of what was expected of you. You went to school, became a commercial artist, and did very well at it. Now you liked that work, Joseph – not only because of the art, but because of the communication that was involved. Particularly when you drew animals, you could use them as symbols for noble virtues, but in any case it was the means of communication, a communication that to some extent could bridge the particular emotional troubles people might be having at any given time.

You sensed certain characteristics in Ruburt when first you met, and you knew intuitively that certain probabilities could bring the two of you together, both using your individual abilities in ways at that time unknown to you, but that those individual abilities, joined, could together produce a new kind of threshold—an overview through which that sensed excellence could at least be glimpsed, contained in essence at least, and communicated.

(9:47.) The two of you do not have children, yet you do indeed not only have mental children, but you are—if you will forgive the term—psychic or mental parents to many thousands of people. All of this cut directly across some of your ideas about success in usual terms, and your abilities fit together in different ways than you originally planned.

At a certain point your body does not care. It relaxes you anyway. Now Ruburt has much slighter versions, in which, say, daily or weekly tensions no longer collect as they did, which allows him some physical improvement—but he also feels that if he really relaxed he would only do the dishes or whatever. The world would hardly fall in if neither of you did anything for several days. The relaxed body, however, the truly relaxed body, can physically perform of course far better than the tense one.

Thoughts of the will and your approaching 50th and 60th birthdays have led you, Joseph, to look over you life, to ask, “What have I done? Am I a success or a failure?” But when you do so, you often ask the question through the cast of old conventional beliefs. If you ask “Is the world a better place to live because I live?” or “Have I helped the people in the world in any way?” or “Have I lifted men’s hearts or minds in any way?” or “Have I affected others for the better?” then those answers must be yes, and there is no better measure of true success.

I am not given to flattery. But these are statements of fact that you should recognize as such. End of session.

You work, for example, perhaps, as many hours as you want, or can—but you completely change the hours, or you work as usual, but you change the furniture in the rooms, or turn the rooms to different functions—or whatever—but allow for such changes in the overall routines. They will refresh you.

(10:09 PM. “Before the session.” Jane said, “I told Seth I wanted whatever was necessary to help you. I didn’t care what it was. I’d stay out of the way as much as possible. If you were sick of me, or wanted out—anything—I just wanted to know so you’d get better. I know you love me, but maybe you get sick of my running your life or something like that....”