“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(After supper Jane offered to have a session for me because during the day I’d had a number of recurrences of the panic feelings in my chest. The first one came early this morning after I’d shoveled but a few scoops of snow in the driveway—no work involved at all, really, but I had to quit for fear of having an “attack” of some kind.

(Jane surprised me by mentioning a session at about 7:40. By the time she called me to sit for it, it was 8:35—and her mood had changed. Before she’d felt “clear-headed.” Now she had questions, and wished we’d gone right into the session as soon as she had mentioned it. As we waited for the session to begin, I read her the first questions I’d noted down from rereading the 367th session—Seth’s first comprehensive session on her symptoms, and one that’s been referred to rather often lately. I still want to study all of those early personal sessions, but haven’t progressed far because of all the new material we’ve been getting lately. But they’re always there, waiting. I didn’t expect Seth to go into my written questions this evening, although he did refer to several of them, if rather obliquely....)

It is possible to be opinionated at times, closed-minded, and pedantic, in good normal behavior—but when certain characteristics group together, then you have the formation of an overly-conscientious self, which acts in a repetitive manner, always showing these fairly rigid characteristics.

When I said it was not rational (in the 367th session), I spoke relatively speaking. Of course, communication is possible. The conscientious self groups about ideas of right and wrong. This portion of the self is often altered, its characteristics becoming less apparent as individuals move through the various social groupings of work, church, or community, where it is obvious that the standards of behavior are hardly rigid, but adaptable.

The material that came from “Unknown” today—you disagreed with the type of lettering, if I understand properly. Now, that is legitimate as an artistic judgment—but it is illegitimate as a moral judgment. There is nothing wrong or inferior about the people at Prentice, who made the “improper” artistic decision. It is not immoral or wrong not to have excellent artistic judgment. The people involved are in an art department. They are individuals, doing their best to develop their abilities and their lives—but your indignation was moral in narrow terms, rather than in quite acceptable artistic ones. You do this often.

Ruburt does it when he reads poor material. He immediately makes a moral judgment against a poet whose material is artistically poor. The person involved may indeed have difficulty artistically in expression, and an artistic revulsion can then be quite acceptable, but not a moral one.

Now you have even made—both of you, now—the same kind of moral, or I should say immoral, judgments about Ruburt’s condition, which with your joint perfectionism is doubly appalling. You see it as morally wrong, not simply a physically poor condition, but a morally reprehensible one, reflecting upon Ruburt’s integrity, his knowledge, his understanding.

(8:52.) You judge the world, but in far more rigorous terms morally than either of you really realize. Your beliefs exist in the present. I will always go into back material, or the past when you request it, for it is important that you understand I am never evasive in that regard. But the overly conscientious selves are not separate versions of you, really. The division is one I use to make certain points.

Those ideas are quite conscious when you allow them to surface. Again, they are beliefs that you least examine. The overly conscientious self is not creative, particularly—meaning innovative, but it does have great sustaining qualities and power.

Dialogues with yourselves may bring those beliefs more into the light, but I have often mentioned them in many sessions, and in different ways.

Such an optimist will of course not be blind, and he will see that there are indeed many blemishes in the world; but his overall faith not only sustains him, but because of his own state of mind his creativity blossoms to whatever degree he has it. And he manages to wipe away a few of those blights.

I have told you time and time again that but for a few exceptions you have not used your creative abilities to help solve your problems. I suggested some changes. I will see how many you make. You suggested going to Sayre. Ruburt first of all thought of how he could get his socks and shoes on, but then he tried to overcome those thoughts, and imagine the trip.(Sayre, PA—my home town.)

The idea of a van to Florida led Ruburt into daydreaming, though he was very frightened of the idea, but you immediately thought of the difficulties, that it would not work, and overall neither of you have applied creative, imaginative, positive thought, steadily. You pick up each other’s thoughts and feelings. Ruburt has made progress, but both of you still believe that worrying will somehow lead to positive action, that fear will be an impetus.

I know the extent of your creative abilities. There were occasions in the past when these were applied, and Ruburt improved considerably. His improvements of late have been largely the result of work in Framework 1. They have been steady since he began walking, but slow. Imagining a trip to Florida, for example, or anyplace he wants, planning for it, is a far more effective method of therapy than any worry, for such plans activate body and mind.

The resolutions I gave you would automatically seep through to the overly conscientious selves if you kept them in mind, and resolved to live by them. Ruburt does need some kind of class or such activity, but he has grown frightened. You have not encouraged him. He can see people more when he is better, but you must indeed act at least mentally as if.

(9:15 PM. I might add that I don’t think I for one believe any longer that worrying is the answer to very much, as Seth says Jane and I still believe, nor do I think that fear is going to act as a stimulus to positive action. I’ve disabused myself of such thoughts, with Seth’s considerable help. I still worry, obviously, but have no illusions about it helping anything. The call to Prentice today was an effort to free one area of life. I told Jane today that this week I’d pay our taxes a few days ahead of time—another effort to get free....)