“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now: I have given some—not all—of this material before, but now you can put the understanding to better advantage. Ruburt’s “overly conscientious self” was indeed built up in response to his belief that he was, to begin with, overly enthusiastic, overly impulsive, overly spontaneous. He was naturally expressive and open with people. He was creatively gifted—but an overly impulsive child does not care for an invalid mother, conscientiously, for 21 years.

He did not run away. He did not get into any serious difficulty. The very consistent writing of poetry through those years shows its own kind of discipline, but people are not used to bursts of creativity. They were not used to Ruburt’s very quick insights.

It was you who suggested the ESP book, and you also early decided not to become a part of the American mainstream of life. You did not have a strong drive to have a family. You avoided heavy sexual relationships also. Both of you, before you met, knew that you wanted to study and observe from your own viewpoints. You felt that a family life would automatically plunge you into the kind of living that would not allow you such luxury. At the same time, both of you to some extent feared what you thought of as the power of sex. Again, Freudian beliefs that filled the books and movies led you both in your own ways to fear that your energies could be “swallowed” by sexuality—that to some extent you had so much energy, and that most of it must go into creative work.

Simple-enough incidents, like shoveling the driveway, can bother you because they arouse old conflicts having to do with your earlier situation and the decision, say, to explore your mental and creative abilities rather than to pursue the physical ones in the excellence of sports.

The excellence in sports, however, also involved the accepted thing to do. Sports even then were looked up to. Rewards were instantaneous for good performance. This involves black-and-white thinking again, however, for you thought of “perfect performance” in sports—high excellence. Something like the driveway usually involves an inner dilemma: “Shall I do creative work or physical activity?” in rather absolute terms.

Give us a moment.... In all cases, overexaggerations are involved. If you shovel you are not suddenly going to decide to devote yourself to a life of physical chores, and “meaningless” activity, and ignore your creative work. You are not that kind of person. If you paint or write steadily, that does not mean you will let all chores go. You are not that kind of person.