“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(As for myself, I feel somewhat better than I have been so far this month. The siege seems endless. I haven’t asked the pendulum many questions at all since the last ones I recorded on April 21. My stomach still bothers, but on a much-reduced level; the groin/left testicle seems all but clear at times; occasionally the discomfort returns on a reduced basis also.

(What I’m trying to do is to let the information Seth has given in the last several deleted sessions for me, starting with that for April 4, sink in so that I can achieve a synthesis of it all both consciously and unconsciously. I think the material is very perceptive, and that I may have begun achieving some kind of equanimity between the two men, or opposing sets of belief, that Seth so aptly described in the deleted session for April l8. [I read these sessions daily.] It’s essential that these conflicting beliefs be resolved by the personality, and I’m determined to do so. I think the physical improvements noted are first signs that I can get the results I want.

(As I told Jane last night, I didn’t realize that I was so tight, so bound up with tensions and stresses, that I was ready to fall ill because of those basic conflicts with self-disapproval, the male-provider role, money, taxes, and all the rest of the daily paraphernalia of living. I’ve had several lesser encounters with relaxation effects since the massive one of April 24—the last one being last night. I’ve enjoyed them all. I’ve also slept well now for some time. My dreams, those I remember at least, have also reflected efforts at reconciliation of opposing beliefs, fears, and so forth. In the meantime, I’ve let myself go, not working hard in any direction, relaxing while working on the files, or in the yard, or shopping or painting or whatever. The line that’s most impressed me in all of this, perhaps, is Seth’s quote to me from my own body, given by him in the deleted session for April 18: “You worry too much. You need to relax, so that I can relax.”

(The phone rang at 8:45 PM, as I worked on these notes. The caller was Larry Dowler, calling for the Yale Archives. They want the Seth material and related papers. There are many questions to be resolved yet, since we have yet to even see the will Bill Danaher is drawing up for us. We have to resolve the issue of public accessibility, and others. [Jane is not in favor of public accessibility at this time.] LD explained a few things, suggesting among them a committee, perhaps, to screen qualified applicants to the material. All will be resolved. “I can’t believe it,” Jane said a number of times as we talked. Certainly we hadn’t expected such an outright acceptance so quickly after LD’s visit last week [Sunday the 22nd]. LD or his secretary will write. He goes into the hospital for knee surgery within a few days.

(All of this delayed our sitting for the session until 10:07. By then, Jane said, she couldn’t remember much of Professor Moorcroft’s letter, but I told her it didn’t matter. “I’m still wiped out about Yale,” she said. She remarked more than once about her failure to win the Yale prize for younger poets in years past, Tam’s attending Yale, and so forth. “Here I thought we were going to have a nice peaceful week, with some sessions on Mass Reality, maybe, but now, who knows....”

There are almost always hidden variables, but they are of little consequence here. Every visible or invisible particle has consciousness according to its own scale of reality. Each particle, visible or invisible, is awareized energy. This is most difficult to explain, but like, say, the units of some multidimensional computer, each visible or invisible particle carries within it the knowledge of all other particles, including their positions, and their probable positions.

(“Good night, Seth.” Jane was surprised at the session’s quick end. After supper she’d felt Seth material on his book, the latter, and personal stuff, she said—all before the call from Yale. She could only speculate that the “Yale business” had something to do with the short session, even though she wasn’t consciously aware of it. We’d been set for the session to run until midnight if that was the way it developed.