“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Once again, as I had before the deleted session for Monday the 16th, I told Jane that I was close to a “breaking point.” My side had bothered me all day today in the same old fashion. Although I’d felt slightly better yesterday I’d been taking baking soda often for my stomach for several days, and it seemed now that the feeling of pressure, or gas, perhaps, was getting the best of me. I took soda before lying down with Jane this afternoon. I woke up half an hour later so uncomfortable that I had to get up.

(I’m naturally worried that I’ve created a physical condition, and so is Jane. She began some writing about me today, stressing my characteristics as I confront the world with a distance between the two. Her material is excellent; she said she doesn’t know where it comes from, or exactly what state she’s in when doing it. It’s far from finished, but she finally let me see what she had after supper. She doesn’t know whether she can “calm down enough to do more on the piece or not,” although I’m sure she will. She also mentioned trying hypnosis with me, since I’m a good subject. I’d quite forgotten that art. At this stage I’m willing to try it. At this stage I’d try anything right now. At 8:15 PM my stomach bothers a bit, but the left side has subsided to vague feelings of discomfort in the groin and testicle. The stomach does appear to be the primary seat of upset in all of this, and has for some years. I think it triggers the other unpleasant effects. Jane and I discussed the possibility that I may have an ulcer.

(1. My side/groin area bothers because I’m afraid it’ll cost money to get sick. I equate money for medical expenses with money for taxes.

(3. My side hurts because I’m afraid Volume 2 of “Unknown” Reality won’t be appreciated.

(My side hurts because I’m afraid all of Jane’s work won’t be—and isn’t—appreciated. Through My Eyes isn’t involved—my projected biography.

Your basic personality, the first man is immensely pleased simply that the money comes. He is pleased with the time that has been gained, with the abilities that he has used and developed, and filled with a natural creative zest. You have not completely approved of him, however. The taxes bothered you more this time because they fell just after your projects were finished. You have a nervous stomach—and (heartily) I would have one too if I were forever taking sides against myself, and not approving whatever side I happen to be on at any given time.

(10:06.) You fall into the habit of accepting the disapproval as fact, instead of realizing that it represents a feeling you have at any given time that may or may not be justified. You can kick a dog, and if you disapprove of your act that is a justified disapproval of an act (intently). You are having your physical problems because you are trying to leap over these limitations—that is, your body is saying “Stop taking sides with yourself, or rather against yourself.” Your spontaneity is more than able to bridge such gaps, but often you will disapprove of it, if its suggestions go counter to negative ones concerning time that you have already given yourself.