“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Once again, as I had before the deleted session for Monday the 16th, I told Jane that I was close to a “breaking point.” My side had bothered me all day today in the same old fashion. Although I’d felt slightly better yesterday I’d been taking baking soda often for my stomach for several days, and it seemed now that the feeling of pressure, or gas, perhaps, was getting the best of me. I took soda before lying down with Jane this afternoon. I woke up half an hour later so uncomfortable that I had to get up.

(I’m naturally worried that I’ve created a physical condition, and so is Jane. She began some writing about me today, stressing my characteristics as I confront the world with a distance between the two. Her material is excellent; she said she doesn’t know where it comes from, or exactly what state she’s in when doing it. It’s far from finished, but she finally let me see what she had after supper. She doesn’t know whether she can “calm down enough to do more on the piece or not,” although I’m sure she will. She also mentioned trying hypnosis with me, since I’m a good subject. I’d quite forgotten that art. At this stage I’m willing to try it. At this stage I’d try anything right now. At 8:15 PM my stomach bothers a bit, but the left side has subsided to vague feelings of discomfort in the groin and testicle. The stomach does appear to be the primary seat of upset in all of this, and has for some years. I think it triggers the other unpleasant effects. Jane and I discussed the possibility that I may have an ulcer.

(This afternoon Larry Dowler of the Yale Archives called to postpone his scheduled visit of Thursday afternoon to next Sunday. I hope to feel better by then. Now here are the insights I picked up starting at 11:20 this morning, as I went about daily business:

Now—

Now we have another man, who is also contemplative and determined—but this man is pursued by time. He must show that he produces so much work in a given number of hours, so that others will know that he is diligent and filled with the good male attributes of a provider. He is very concerned about the opinions of others, and he wants to see the effect of his work upon the establishments of the world. He wants to know where he stands, and he wants to fit a neat category, so that he can say to the world: “If you are a shoemaker, I am something as definite; or if you are a professor, I am a writer or an artist, or a —?” He wants his contemplation to pay off, and he is very anxious about where his money goes.

(Pause.) Your worth is in what you are. Anyone’s worth is in their own essence. That which you are will naturally produce acts or works of whatever kind. Your television news program (on ABC) is now producing a series about your nuclear power, and that of Russia. As in all such happenings, the worst probability is considered imaginatively, and steps taken in the physical world—using much energy and inventiveness—steps that are supposed to prevent this worst probability from occurring. Frightened people do not make wise decisions. In fact, they often take actions that inadvertently bring about the feared results, whatever the circumstances in the given case.

Now I bid you a fond good evening, with one footnote.

(“Thank God,” Jane said. “I’m better at it now—remember how touchy I used to be? I’d feel my trance come right up to the surface whenever we got into anything personal. But I had no idea of what he was going to talk about. I’ll have another session for you tomorrow if you want to.” I said we’d see; that this one was excellent, a great help.)