“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(1. My side/groin area bothers because I’m afraid it’ll cost money to get sick. I equate money for medical expenses with money for taxes.

(In the deleted session for April 16, 1979 Seth remarked that Jane “used to feel embarrassed because he made more money in those terms than you, and certainly this played some role initially in the symptoms.” I asked that Seth comment as to whether any such mechanisms might still operate with Jane.

Basically, he cares not a jot for time as it is generally understood. He does not care for position or power. He only asks to be left alone in his contemplations, and to express these in whatever manner suits his nature. Actually, he is free of sex roles, and refuses stereotypes of any kind. He views cultural and educational establishments with a clear questioning eye. He cares not a jot for position or for money, but only for the freedom. He wants to study the world and nature, and the nature of men and ideas, and to search from that vantage point for some greater order, and some greater context in which life must reside.

Now we have another man, who is also contemplative and determined—but this man is pursued by time. He must show that he produces so much work in a given number of hours, so that others will know that he is diligent and filled with the good male attributes of a provider. He is very concerned about the opinions of others, and he wants to see the effect of his work upon the establishments of the world. He wants to know where he stands, and he wants to fit a neat category, so that he can say to the world: “If you are a shoemaker, I am something as definite; or if you are a professor, I am a writer or an artist, or a —?” He wants his contemplation to pay off, and he is very anxious about where his money goes.

Your basic personality, the first man is immensely pleased simply that the money comes. He is pleased with the time that has been gained, with the abilities that he has used and developed, and filled with a natural creative zest. You have not completely approved of him, however. The taxes bothered you more this time because they fell just after your projects were finished. You have a nervous stomach—and (heartily) I would have one too if I were forever taking sides against myself, and not approving whatever side I happen to be on at any given time.

(I didn’t want Seth to leave before I asked this question: “Do you want to say something about your remark that Jane’s early symptoms were at least partly connected with her embarrassment at making more money than I did?”)