“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Once again, as I had before the deleted session for Monday the 16th, I told Jane that I was close to a “breaking point.” My side had bothered me all day today in the same old fashion. Although I’d felt slightly better yesterday I’d been taking baking soda often for my stomach for several days, and it seemed now that the feeling of pressure, or gas, perhaps, was getting the best of me. I took soda before lying down with Jane this afternoon. I woke up half an hour later so uncomfortable that I had to get up.

(The pendulum gave me the same reasons for my overall malaise, as well as agreeing with the fresh insights noted below. First, though, the pendulum said the soda did generate gas. It also insisted I didn’t have a hernia or an ulcer, etc., although I told Jane that depending on what Seth said tonight I may seek medical help tomorrow. At the same time I swore off baking soda, which is an old habit with me, in favor of Maalox, which I found in the cupboard. The Maalox helped, and I ate a little supper.

(I’m naturally worried that I’ve created a physical condition, and so is Jane. She began some writing about me today, stressing my characteristics as I confront the world with a distance between the two. Her material is excellent; she said she doesn’t know where it comes from, or exactly what state she’s in when doing it. It’s far from finished, but she finally let me see what she had after supper. She doesn’t know whether she can “calm down enough to do more on the piece or not,” although I’m sure she will. She also mentioned trying hypnosis with me, since I’m a good subject. I’d quite forgotten that art. At this stage I’m willing to try it. At this stage I’d try anything right now. At 8:15 PM my stomach bothers a bit, but the left side has subsided to vague feelings of discomfort in the groin and testicle. The stomach does appear to be the primary seat of upset in all of this, and has for some years. I think it triggers the other unpleasant effects. Jane and I discussed the possibility that I may have an ulcer.

(Last night while we made love I broke down and cried for my worry over Jane.

(My side hurts because I’m afraid all of Jane’s work won’t be—and isn’t—appreciated. Through My Eyes isn’t involved—my projected biography.

(In the deleted session for April 16, 1979 Seth remarked that Jane “used to feel embarrassed because he made more money in those terms than you, and certainly this played some role initially in the symptoms.” I asked that Seth comment as to whether any such mechanisms might still operate with Jane.

(Jane read these notes over as we sat for the session at 9:35. I explained that I hated to “put her on the spot” by asking if I had an ulcer, or a hernia, say, or gas or whatever. I realized my doing so frightened her. At the same time, I said, I was curious as to whether I did have an ulcer, for instance—that if so, I could see that I’d created that situation in order to contend with certain challenges.)

(I didn’t want Seth to leave before I asked this question: “Do you want to say something about your remark that Jane’s early symptoms were at least partly connected with her embarrassment at making more money than I did?”)

(10:40 PM. “That was good,” I said to Jane at once. “I feel better already.”

(“Thank God,” Jane said. “I’m better at it now—remember how touchy I used to be? I’d feel my trance come right up to the surface whenever we got into anything personal. But I had no idea of what he was going to talk about. I’ll have another session for you tomorrow if you want to.” I said we’d see; that this one was excellent, a great help.)