“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I’m naturally worried that I’ve created a physical condition, and so is Jane. She began some writing about me today, stressing my characteristics as I confront the world with a distance between the two. Her material is excellent; she said she doesn’t know where it comes from, or exactly what state she’s in when doing it. It’s far from finished, but she finally let me see what she had after supper. She doesn’t know whether she can “calm down enough to do more on the piece or not,” although I’m sure she will. She also mentioned trying hypnosis with me, since I’m a good subject. I’d quite forgotten that art. At this stage I’m willing to try it. At this stage I’d try anything right now. At 8:15 PM my stomach bothers a bit, but the left side has subsided to vague feelings of discomfort in the groin and testicle. The stomach does appear to be the primary seat of upset in all of this, and has for some years. I think it triggers the other unpleasant effects. Jane and I discussed the possibility that I may have an ulcer.

Basically, he cares not a jot for time as it is generally understood. He does not care for position or power. He only asks to be left alone in his contemplations, and to express these in whatever manner suits his nature. Actually, he is free of sex roles, and refuses stereotypes of any kind. He views cultural and educational establishments with a clear questioning eye. He cares not a jot for position or for money, but only for the freedom. He wants to study the world and nature, and the nature of men and ideas, and to search from that vantage point for some greater order, and some greater context in which life must reside.

Now we have another man, who is also contemplative and determined—but this man is pursued by time. He must show that he produces so much work in a given number of hours, so that others will know that he is diligent and filled with the good male attributes of a provider. He is very concerned about the opinions of others, and he wants to see the effect of his work upon the establishments of the world. He wants to know where he stands, and he wants to fit a neat category, so that he can say to the world: “If you are a shoemaker, I am something as definite; or if you are a professor, I am a writer or an artist, or a —?” He wants his contemplation to pay off, and he is very anxious about where his money goes.

Moving to this house, (any house),brought those hidden demands into some prominence, and then the second man’s idea of a householder were further laid upon our first man’s shoulders. There is nothing wrong, certainly, and much pleasure, in taking care of your establishment—but not because you must prove something to yourself or to others.

With your projects of the past finished, the “man who needed a job” had no job. It was as if he were laid off, and immediately had to find a new job. That man approves of creative projects only when he thinks of them as jobs, when they become acceptable as legitimate male pursuits. Commercial art is beautiful there, for at one time it allowed you to paint because (underlined) you were immediately repaid, and that made art legitimate. (With some ironic humor:) I am laying it on here. And forgive a bit of gentle—gentle—sarcasm, but to your puritan American soul, art for its own sake, or contemplation, still somehow goes against the grain.

(10:06.) You fall into the habit of accepting the disapproval as fact, instead of realizing that it represents a feeling you have at any given time that may or may not be justified. You can kick a dog, and if you disapprove of your act that is a justified disapproval of an act (intently). You are having your physical problems because you are trying to leap over these limitations—that is, your body is saying “Stop taking sides with yourself, or rather against yourself.” Your spontaneity is more than able to bridge such gaps, but often you will disapprove of it, if its suggestions go counter to negative ones concerning time that you have already given yourself.

The projects that you are meant to do can be done in your lifetime. The ones that are not done are not done for a reason, because they do not fit in with your nature, or because they can be handled in a different way, or whatever, but you must trust that the spontaneous self understands the overall shape of your life, and its creative contexts and contents.

You were both unconventional. On the exterior you broke conventions, but you were still tainted by conventional ideas. Even without the psychic endeavor, you both would have been bothered if, say, Ruburt succeeded as a writer of his own books, with no help from you of any kind, unless you succeeded as an artist. It was quite well known by both of you, however, that you disliked the marketplace.

(“Thank God,” Jane said. “I’m better at it now—remember how touchy I used to be? I’d feel my trance come right up to the surface whenever we got into anything personal. But I had no idea of what he was going to talk about. I’ll have another session for you tomorrow if you want to.” I said we’d see; that this one was excellent, a great help.)