“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I’m naturally worried that I’ve created a physical condition, and so is Jane. She began some writing about me today, stressing my characteristics as I confront the world with a distance between the two. Her material is excellent; she said she doesn’t know where it comes from, or exactly what state she’s in when doing it. It’s far from finished, but she finally let me see what she had after supper. She doesn’t know whether she can “calm down enough to do more on the piece or not,” although I’m sure she will. She also mentioned trying hypnosis with me, since I’m a good subject. I’d quite forgotten that art. At this stage I’m willing to try it. At this stage I’d try anything right now. At 8:15 PM my stomach bothers a bit, but the left side has subsided to vague feelings of discomfort in the groin and testicle. The stomach does appear to be the primary seat of upset in all of this, and has for some years. I think it triggers the other unpleasant effects. Jane and I discussed the possibility that I may have an ulcer.

(2. Again, I don’t think it safe to get well. I think if I get well I won’t buckle down to work on Mass Reality.

(3. My side hurts because I’m afraid Volume 2 of “Unknown” Reality won’t be appreciated.

(Jane read these notes over as we sat for the session at 9:35. I explained that I hated to “put her on the spot” by asking if I had an ulcer, or a hernia, say, or gas or whatever. I realized my doing so frightened her. At the same time, I said, I was curious as to whether I did have an ulcer, for instance—that if so, I could see that I’d created that situation in order to contend with certain challenges.)

These two men are one, of course. They represent your own opposing beliefs and feelings. At one time or another you do not agree, or approve, of either set, and so you are always berating yourself about being different than you are.

With your projects of the past finished, the “man who needed a job” had no job. It was as if he were laid off, and immediately had to find a new job. That man approves of creative projects only when he thinks of them as jobs, when they become acceptable as legitimate male pursuits. Commercial art is beautiful there, for at one time it allowed you to paint because (underlined) you were immediately repaid, and that made art legitimate. (With some ironic humor:) I am laying it on here. And forgive a bit of gentle—gentle—sarcasm, but to your puritan American soul, art for its own sake, or contemplation, still somehow goes against the grain.

(Pause.) Your worth is in what you are. Anyone’s worth is in their own essence. That which you are will naturally produce acts or works of whatever kind. Your television news program (on ABC) is now producing a series about your nuclear power, and that of Russia. As in all such happenings, the worst probability is considered imaginatively, and steps taken in the physical world—using much energy and inventiveness—steps that are supposed to prevent this worst probability from occurring. Frightened people do not make wise decisions. In fact, they often take actions that inadvertently bring about the feared results, whatever the circumstances in the given case.

Often, however, in their private worlds people have their own versions of the feared probabilities, which they then run through the screens of their minds for good measure, so that they can take steps to avoid whatever catastrophe or near-catastrophe is involved.

In your own way you often do the same thing. Sometimes your body bothers you, and it is saying “You worry too much. You need to relax, so that I can relax.” Instead, you then promptly worry about your body, concentrate upon its malfunctions, focus upon its problems. It is the overall approach to daily life that is important. The rules, again, appear too simple: refuse to worry. Trust that you know your next projects. Allow them to happen, and forget all projected limited suppositions, such as “I will never have the time to do this or that,” for those limitations do not exist in fact. In fact, period.

You were both unconventional. On the exterior you broke conventions, but you were still tainted by conventional ideas. Even without the psychic endeavor, you both would have been bothered if, say, Ruburt succeeded as a writer of his own books, with no help from you of any kind, unless you succeeded as an artist. It was quite well known by both of you, however, that you disliked the marketplace.