“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(“My side bothers me considerably as I write this, at 8:30 PM. Yet I went for a walk after supper. I’m distinctly uneasy. After napping Thursday afternoon [the 12th] I fell into a deep depression, not speaking to anyone any more than necessary. This obviously involved Jane more than anyone else. My physical hassles have waxed and waned—I’m hoping that paying the taxes tomorrow helps. [They amount to much less than I’d figured on, incidentally—including estimated payments for 1979 —so one would expect me to respond to that—but I haven’t yet.

(“The pendulum insists there’s nothing wrong physically in the side-groin area, but I’m beginning to wonder. Pendulum tells me the side bothers because I’m not working on Mass Reality, which will get us money, whereas Through My Eyes is a less-certain project, would take longer, and the time I spend on it is time lost on Mass Reality. In other words, I’m very concerned about my financial contribution, and paying all those taxes exacerbates it all.

(Then while doing the dishes before this evening’s session, Jane said she “got” that Friday night was the “playout” of my dreams involving Bill Gallagher and Sue, which had taken place separately. The playout wasn’t literal, Jane said, “So I don’t think most people would have made the connections. But I picked up that Seth would go into those dreams tonight, and I asked that he give the best information that he could.”

(“After supper tonight I told Jane that I felt as though I was “near a breaking point,” that I might have to seek medical help. For what I wasn’t sure—a hernia, something wrong in my side, stomach, or what. She was upset. We’d slept this afternoon from 2:30 until 6. I’d hoped I would feel better with the rest, which I seemed to crave, but it hadn’t helped. Nor had paying the taxes this morning, although it could take the body a while to respond to any change in status or thinking, and I’d seen this happen before.

(10:07.) Now: the route you chose was far different than your friend’s. You did not choose a job as a life endeavor, where money would be clearly paid for acts specifically assigned, nor did you choose a route for which there was any conventional role for you to follow.

If you were just a writer or just an artist, or if Ruburt were just a writer or just a psychic, then neither of you would be involved in this endeavor, which is even in your terms, of such a creative nature that it defies definitions. It does not rest in either of you alone, but rises from joint psychological structures (intently) that you have formed together, each using what characteristics you could—psychological structures that you then can use to gain a viewpoint upon reality that is so unique.

Those doubts, however, of course mitigate strongly against your feelings of self-approval, and undermine your natural stamina and courage. Ruburt was bothered by the same feelings in reverse in the past, but he has learned to understand quite clearly that our work is a threefold venture. It would not exist in its present form—and its present form is its best form—were it not for your own participation. In a fashion you are merging arts together, and laying the groundwork for new kinds of art that presently do not exist.

(10:23. We talked about the dream involved with tonight’s session material. I wondered if it was legitimate to say that the group of dreams was a precognitive insight into the one event—the Friday night gathering. Jane thought so. If true, it would be an original insight, I said. Not that the dreams presaged Friday night’s event per se, but pointed toward some sort of event like it taking place. I told Jane that I didn’t remember reading any ideas like this anywhere.

Ruburt thinks of taxes as money paid to society for leaving him alone. He pays his dues, so to speak. The dream did involve Saturday’s visit with the tax accountant (Jack Joyce), which in a way was a re-creation of the dream. Ruburt knew a few moments before the man’s visit that the taxes would be less than you supposed. He had been worried they might be more, and that you might become more upset.