“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(“My side bothers me considerably as I write this, at 8:30 PM. Yet I went for a walk after supper. I’m distinctly uneasy. After napping Thursday afternoon [the 12th] I fell into a deep depression, not speaking to anyone any more than necessary. This obviously involved Jane more than anyone else. My physical hassles have waxed and waned—I’m hoping that paying the taxes tomorrow helps. [They amount to much less than I’d figured on, incidentally—including estimated payments for 1979 —so one would expect me to respond to that—but I haven’t yet.

(“The pendulum insists there’s nothing wrong physically in the side-groin area, but I’m beginning to wonder. Pendulum tells me the side bothers because I’m not working on Mass Reality, which will get us money, whereas Through My Eyes is a less-certain project, would take longer, and the time I spend on it is time lost on Mass Reality. In other words, I’m very concerned about my financial contribution, and paying all those taxes exacerbates it all.

(“The pendulum says my side started to bother me after I estimated $70,000 income for tax purposes for 1979, without seeing how Jane and I have any chance yet to bring in that much this year.”

(“After supper tonight I told Jane that I felt as though I was “near a breaking point,” that I might have to seek medical help. For what I wasn’t sure—a hernia, something wrong in my side, stomach, or what. She was upset. We’d slept this afternoon from 2:30 until 6. I’d hoped I would feel better with the rest, which I seemed to crave, but it hadn’t helped. Nor had paying the taxes this morning, although it could take the body a while to respond to any change in status or thinking, and I’d seen this happen before.

(“The trouble appears to be in the lower left groin or side, with ramifications at times in the left testicle. I don’t think the latter is the primary cause, though, even with the enlarged veins I’ve had there for many years. Today, my stomach began bothering; I’ve taken baking soda three times, and that seemed to help, if temporarily, each time. Walking also helps.

(“The pendulum repeated my insight of a couple of days ago—one that may be very important: that all of my upsets over the years, the stomach, the side, the groin, the shoulder—the whole bunch—stem from my consistent feeling that I’m a failure in life, that I don’t contribute enough, that I don’t help Jane enough, that I haven’t really made it as an artist or as a writer.