“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(“My side bothers me considerably as I write this, at 8:30 PM. Yet I went for a walk after supper. I’m distinctly uneasy. After napping Thursday afternoon [the 12th] I fell into a deep depression, not speaking to anyone any more than necessary. This obviously involved Jane more than anyone else. My physical hassles have waxed and waned—I’m hoping that paying the taxes tomorrow helps. [They amount to much less than I’d figured on, incidentally—including estimated payments for 1979 —so one would expect me to respond to that—but I haven’t yet.

(“The pendulum says my side started to bother me after I estimated $70,000 income for tax purposes for 1979, without seeing how Jane and I have any chance yet to bring in that much this year.”

(I should note here that last Friday evening we were visited by the Gallaghers and Sue Watkins. As the evening progressed we became involved in some pretty heated and involved discussions about Three Mile Island, man’s greed for money, his basic good intent, and related issues. Bill and Sue especially got going pretty good, and Peggy said she didn’t like that. I think I made some good points; even Bill said he probably exaggerated man’s greed, yet he wasn’t about to change his views. Sue was upset. Jane was too, yet tried to take it all in. I probably spoke more frankly than I had in the past, yet was oddly unbothered by it all.

(Then while doing the dishes before this evening’s session, Jane said she “got” that Friday night was the “playout” of my dreams involving Bill Gallagher and Sue, which had taken place separately. The playout wasn’t literal, Jane said, “So I don’t think most people would have made the connections. But I picked up that Seth would go into those dreams tonight, and I asked that he give the best information that he could.”

(I’d temporarily forgotten the dreams about Bill and Sue, although I have them selected for inclusion in Through My Eyes; they’re on file in that notebook. The one with Bill took place on March 29, 1979. Sue on March 31, 1979. This was a period in which I had a series of potent dreams that Jane has done a lot of work interpreting [including my famous dog dream of March 31, 1979], and which could easily make up several chapters in a book on the subject, if we had the time to produce it. These dreams have been operating as a series, as Jane has pointed out, which increases the value of a person’s dreams in unexpected ways. I think some original ideas are embodied here. Jane has interpreted the Bill and Sue dreams, and Seth has commented on them also. See the 845th session. All of Seth’s dream material has been excellent, by the way.

(“After supper tonight I told Jane that I felt as though I was “near a breaking point,” that I might have to seek medical help. For what I wasn’t sure—a hernia, something wrong in my side, stomach, or what. She was upset. We’d slept this afternoon from 2:30 until 6. I’d hoped I would feel better with the rest, which I seemed to crave, but it hadn’t helped. Nor had paying the taxes this morning, although it could take the body a while to respond to any change in status or thinking, and I’d seen this happen before.

(“The pendulum also says I think my body is capable of healing itself, wants to heal itself, and that I want it to heal itself. It also says I do not think it’s safe to get well. I don’t feel bad because of Jane’s symptoms, although I’m very concerned about them daily.

(“The pendulum repeated my insight of a couple of days ago—one that may be very important: that all of my upsets over the years, the stomach, the side, the groin, the shoulder—the whole bunch—stem from my consistent feeling that I’m a failure in life, that I don’t contribute enough, that I don’t help Jane enough, that I haven’t really made it as an artist or as a writer.

(I read my paper quoted just above to Jane as we sat for the session. I asked that Seth comment, but also said I didn’t want him devoting the whole session to my challenges, since I know Jane wants book material also.)

(The phone began to ring at 10:00, much to my surprise. In trance, Jane stared at me. “Forget it,” I told Seth.)

(As Jane spoke in trance, Mitzi jumped up into her lap. The phone had stopped ringing some time ago. As of this writing, the next evening, we still don’t know who tried to call. Mitzi is our beloved cat.)

(10:23. We talked about the dream involved with tonight’s session material. I wondered if it was legitimate to say that the group of dreams was a precognitive insight into the one event—the Friday night gathering. Jane thought so. If true, it would be an original insight, I said. Not that the dreams presaged Friday night’s event per se, but pointed toward some sort of event like it taking place. I told Jane that I didn’t remember reading any ideas like this anywhere.

(10:49 PM. Now here are the “three exercises or experiments Jane tried in an effort to help me when I was in such a despondent mood last Thursday, April 12. She said later that when I evidently didn’t get anything out of them consciously, that this made her question the value of similar things she tries to do for others.

(Here is Jane’s account of the dream of April 13, Friday, mentioned by Seth on page 97 of the session. Note that she had it the day before the tax man, Jack Joyce, visited us, and the day after she’d tried her three experiments for me: