“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Sometimes a particular desire, as when he does estimates, will allow him to work unimpeded, because in that area experience has shown him that his estimates are usually more or less correct. There he has anticipated future feedback that he relies upon.

The direct expression through writing confuses him, for he is faced with a different kind of construction, say, than one might feel in a kindergarten, where blocks of wood carry the alphabet, and physical blocks might be moved around to form words. At the same time he is afraid of feedback, and he has learned to minimize his hearing to protect himself from criticism. The writing represents strong portions of Frank’s personality that are intently concerned with the expression of subjective feelings—feelings that appear nebulous at times because they cannot be expressed—so it seems to him—in a direct fashion.

The writing became a symbol for the expression of thoughts that could not be verbalized in childhood. This carried over into the writing, and comes to the forefront now because of his father’s condition. He wanted to express love for his father as a child far more openly than he felt his father would allow. He felt that his father would consider such demonstrations not masculine.

When he learned to write, he thought of writing to express such thoughts, and was always tempted to use writing as an expression of those subjective feelings he felt were forbidden—not just directed toward his father, but feelings of which he felt his father would disapprove. Writing therefore became a charged activity in any area.

(11:30.) The condition becomes more worrisome because it now bears the brunt of an unspoken or unexpressed love that is hidden behind his conscious attitude and behavior toward his father. Frank’s father himself was afraid of showing unseeming love, in his terms, toward his family. Frank avoided that kind of behavior with his children, but did not fully surmount the pattern as far as his own father was concerned.

One other small comment. Ruburt simply identified with too-small a portion of himself, not realizing that left alone his abilities would draw from Framework 2 all that was required for their fulfillment—all of the impulses, desires, and circumstances. He thought, as you did, that artistic abilities were like alien flowers in an unfriendly land, that had to be force-fed and protected at all costs.

Have him read over my sessions again, to remind himself that his abilities spring from Framework 2, and do not need such overprotection. It does not help, and it definitely hinders his creativity, that he so misguidedly tries to protect. Overall, you cannot be simultaneous in one area while you hold down simultaneity in many others. He must allow himself the freedom of his being, and from that freedom his work will further develop. Creativity is above all high play.