“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Eddie Albert calls again today telling me he just finished Speaks, asking about world problems, starvation, good and evil, etc. After I mess around with a few plots for switch; then do some on Oversoul. Nap. When I awaken:

(I think my symptoms are all the worse because of what I do in contrast. Eddie seeing me might think understandably: how can she offer any hope for mankind, etc., when she cant even walk across the room? Like ... I’m not getting this clear but the feeling was like you’re supposed to demonstrate truth through your life and my symptoms sort of were the opposite, or indicated the opposite; not only didn’t I heal others but not even myself. I forget just how those feelings went, but that approximates them, being ashamed of my condition as if for Christ’s sake, they blemished my art, or ashamed because they blemished my work. All this quite apart from the normal feelings about health. I mean that in my mind the symptoms were associated with my work as if they cast aspersions on it—quite apart from worrying about what they did to me. Following these came feelings of disapproval because I fussed happily around with switch plots when... what Eddie wanted were answers to those weighty problems, and I come up with switch plots, that any other writer could do... I didnt spontaneously come up with impressions for example about switch programing...