“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Though Ruburt was a good-looking young woman, with much vitality, he had no children, and indeed had been determined not to, for writing was the overwhelming interest in his life. He also needed love, however. Though you were in your thirties, you had not married, and your sex life was rather controlled. You both had at that point decided not to concentrate upon family life. You had furthermore decided, and separately, before you met, to avoid conventional long-term relationships in the world of business. Neither of you wanted conventional jobs, regardless now of any prestige or security they might bring. In that regard you saw yourselves as like spirits. You believed in the importance of developing your own abilities, because those abilities so naturally manifested themselves as strong elements of your personalities.

I am describing attitudes. Years ago, when it looked—generally speaking, now: I am simplifying—as if you might be swallowed by Artistic, you rebelled and became ill. You made certain readjustments, the sessions began, time went on. You were not selling paintings to any considerable degree. Ruburt knew he would not take a full-time job either. You may sometimes forget now how vehement your joint ideas were in those years, against the ordinary individual’s prospect of working eight hours a day, year after year, in the same place, doing the same thing. So Ruburt added the necessity of money to his creative goals, in a strong fashion.

(10:00.) This often stimulated him to new accomplishments. The addition, however, brought with it a new sense of responsibility—not just to make money, but as his writings continued he wanted his creative work to be “responsible” and he began to discover that others, so it seemed, were all too ready to latch upon what he almost considered magical inspirational productions, and to follow them with very literal minds. So then his creative endeavors not only had to bring in money, but they had to be good, moral, responsible, for they were becoming part of a body of work.

When Ruburt really became worried about becoming pregnant, he simply stopped having his period, and that took care of that.

When, as time progressed, the need for constant decisions to speak here and there, to see thus and so, to do housework or write, or whatever, Ruburt simply began to cut down on the body’s availability to action, and he felt that that would take care of that.

You were each for some time relieved. These are patterns of attitudes of long standing, and at different times, as Ruburt improved, and new decisions came to mind, he backtracked, and you largely went along. With the continuation of the physical restraints other problems grew, and Ruburt would become frightened that his body could not indeed heal itself, and you feared the same. The past “failures” seemed indisputable evidence.

Now: Ruburt felt that you were more naturally disposed toward solitude and so forth, discipline, more naturally opposed to distractions than he was.

He felt he responded to people more emotionally, and so he took steps to see that artificial restraints were applied, so to speak, for those tendencies, he felt, could jeopardize not only his own work, but yours. And if that happened, he feared that you might retaliate, either by becoming ill, or by becoming eventually cool to him.

All of this meant he was left with body beliefs, so that he believed his body could not respond normally. Again, the evidence gave seeming confirmation, so that his confidence in his body was lessened. You both used his condition as an excuse for not doing certain things because you believed an excuse was necessary.

Your attitudes of course affect each other, so Ruburt looks to you for your reactions. He is somewhat afraid of mentioning any improvements, for fear either that you will not approve of them, or that you will, and then be disappointed on the following day. Your encouragement of his walking is excellent.

The soreness lately at night will pass, but as he sleeps this week the shoulder blades and rib cage and neck area have all been stretching. The sensations are one thing, and again the bodybuilder has his coach, but if Ruburt awakens sore, with you asleep, he can feel isolated.

In all such cases, some reassurance on your part will greatly help, and often can cut such episodes short. The body beliefs need to be tackled regardless of the attitudes that gave them birth, and your reassurances of his attractiveness are important—for he convinced himself at least to some degree that because of his condition he was not attractive to others.

I do not expect either of you to be saints, so certainly do not expect it of yourselves. If you hear Ruburt grunting, et cetera, try to recognize the event, and try to reassure him, when possible. That is important. On the other hand, he should begin to definitely tell you when he is feeling better, when he feels releases, so that that new evidence can begin to more effectively take over from the old.

Let him do his walking or whatever so that he is free to just sit and write before or afterward—you follow me. You are doing well, though, and also any change of routine or pattern in your lives within the general context is good, for you need the variety.