“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He accepted you as a mate and teacher, however, and put such weight upon your words because in that old context you were a male. You both decided to use power indirectly, however, to affect your civilization through thought rather than through combat. In early years Ruburt found it difficult even to contradict you, even while he insisted upon his own independence of mind, and upon his use of his abilities. At times, however, you refused to lead in this life when circumstances might have warranted a more active role at particular times, because in that previous life you would not buck Ruburt, and because you also were more cautious this time about the use of personal power.

You also questioned. You set up a system of balances so that you would think before using your power. This was overdone, however. On the other hand it was reassuring now because in that other life you were afraid of your own impetuosity, together, and had to know you could control it while using your abilities. You have each controlled it. There is no need then to further show yourselves that you can indeed be understanding and compassionate leaders. In that joint venture it made little difference which of you accepted the role that would in one way or another prevent the both of you from misusing power, for the one role would be passive while the other was active.

Ruburt’s condition in late years would fluctuate. You would use it, the two of you, as a measuring yardstick: if he began to improve considerably enough, particularly a few years ago, you would instantly, Joseph, become negative and guarded. Instead of being thankful when he began to go out again, you became frightened, and felt that everyone noticed his condition. After all, the two of you rode horses at the head of the pack.

On those occasions when he improved, and you did not become negative, then he instantly became frightened and negative himself. On other occasions, when he improved, you began with a variety of assorted symptoms of your own, as if to say “One of us must do it,” and he would think “Well, I had better keep things as they are. Better that one of us at least should be happy.”

To some extent, I do not want to overstate. You initiated the procedures years ago, and decided you would not be the one. Now Ruburt could have refused that role also. Nothing said that either of you had to accept it.

In that life women were expected to be decorative, and most of all compliant, so in his relationship to you, when Ruburt felt decorative or compliant, he felt you would have no use for him. You each decided to have no children— you, of course, as well as Ruburt. Your children are the people you influence, help, and guide.

In any case, in the context of this discussion, had you not married Ruburt, you would have remained single, or possibly married to a woman who also would not want children. You were both used to the idea of attaining knowledge and influencing minds. In the Turkish life that meant following Allah and the dictates of holy battle. Now you know that no wars are holy, only regrettable.

Above all, neither of you wanted the condition to worsen. That is where you drew the line. No condition is stable, but ever-changing. The entire system of beliefs was based upon, again, fear of the spontaneous self on both of your parts—fear that it would lead you where you did not want to go, as if you and it were separate things, or as if its intents were by nature so divorced from your own that you must set up barriers against its expression except in certain acceptable areas.

To some extent or another you each feel that the world is insane. With his literal mind Ruburt took protection against it, and found in your apartment and home what he hoped would be a safe sanctuary in monastic terms, where each of you could learn and grow. On purposes you both agreed. Carried to extremes, however, the condition became alarming. This is why improvements are occurring, and because you each are beginning to realize that there is a natural world out there for the world of nature to which both the soul and the body relate. Your protections have been against the social world, but in the extremes you end up losing an important part of the natural world as well.