“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You were great riders, horses being wealth, and collectors of fine gold ornaments. Ruburt was just, as he understood justice. To some extent he felt it a comedown to be born as a woman (as Jane). He also played down physical abilities, for toward the end of that life he became hungry for knowledge, and wondered at his own unbridled use of power.

He accepted you as a mate and teacher, however, and put such weight upon your words because in that old context you were a male. You both decided to use power indirectly, however, to affect your civilization through thought rather than through combat. In early years Ruburt found it difficult even to contradict you, even while he insisted upon his own independence of mind, and upon his use of his abilities. At times, however, you refused to lead in this life when circumstances might have warranted a more active role at particular times, because in that previous life you would not buck Ruburt, and because you also were more cautious this time about the use of personal power.

(10:16.) You had excelled, as he had, in all areas of that experience—as warriors, religious leaders, chieftains. In this life, therefore, you always felt sorry for those you felt could not achieve, and often held back your own abilities or criticisms for that reason.

In many ways then you have refused to show others your true presences, except through the books. Yet through the books you obtain followers, though you say you do not want followers. Of course you do, to a certain extent. You do not want blind followers, as once you had them, but you do want to create your own kind of inner civilization, and you are.

This time those followers are provided with information you did not have then, and they are taught to be true to themselves. They are told not to be cruel or fanatical, not to die for the sword, or by the sword. Yet they look to you. Ruburt became overly cautious, however, and your own attitudes helped. To some extent you felt, both of you, that a woman, gifted, needed greater protection. She was not as dependable, nor should she really show her face in public—so to some extent, now, the symptoms took the place of the veil.

All of that occurred in the background in which you chose an artistic ability that did not fit into the accepted male role, and Ruburt possessed a drive that did not fit the feminine picture, either. You quite concurred with the attitudes involved. Each of you dislike fanatics because you were once so fanatical. Ruburt went to battle with all of his men, and only as he grew older did he begin to wonder at his own motives, or the beliefs that were the structure of his life.

You also questioned. You set up a system of balances so that you would think before using your power. This was overdone, however. On the other hand it was reassuring now because in that other life you were afraid of your own impetuosity, together, and had to know you could control it while using your abilities. You have each controlled it. There is no need then to further show yourselves that you can indeed be understanding and compassionate leaders. In that joint venture it made little difference which of you accepted the role that would in one way or another prevent the both of you from misusing power, for the one role would be passive while the other was active.

On those occasions when he improved, and you did not become negative, then he instantly became frightened and negative himself. On other occasions, when he improved, you began with a variety of assorted symptoms of your own, as if to say “One of us must do it,” and he would think “Well, I had better keep things as they are. Better that one of us at least should be happy.”

Ruburt’s condition has also served as a framework in which he is the opposite of the conquering hero. It is an attempt to play down his presence, to be the absent leader—and in this, again, you heartily concurred. You also played down your own leadership role, while of course maintaining it, and the two of you operate as a team now as you did then.

Only monks could afford it, and there were thousands of different groups scattered throughout Europe. There were equally as many long-forgotten communities, in which hermits of every sect imaginable squatted in caves in given areas. People of solitary nature born in medieval times had to make their own structures, and if they were not hermits or monks, they were outlaws of one kind or another, frequenting the woods, which were often full of semi-permanent but isolated communities—men and women who preyed upon travelers, for example.

He is obviously more restricted in that regard, but neither have you had a woman you had to escort, so your times were spent thinking, writing, exploring the nature of reality, and affecting society while not being infected by it, according to your concepts and beliefs. More than this, people come to you, as befits your Turkish condition. You do not go to them. Nor do you set up a school for fools—again, according to your beliefs and concepts.

Above all, neither of you wanted the condition to worsen. That is where you drew the line. No condition is stable, but ever-changing. The entire system of beliefs was based upon, again, fear of the spontaneous self on both of your parts—fear that it would lead you where you did not want to go, as if you and it were separate things, or as if its intents were by nature so divorced from your own that you must set up barriers against its expression except in certain acceptable areas.