“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Basically, Ruburt is verbal. Basically, he is highly affectionate. He believes in communicating through words, and he believes particularly in communicating “in a positive manner.” He does not believe in communicating disapproval or aggression. The reasons, as given many times, lie in his background, where it was not safe to express disapproval or aggression. He equates silence with disapproval. He does believe in communicating love verbally and through touch, whether or not sexual feelings specifically are involved.

(10:07.) Now, my fine feathered friend: you never really trusted the verbal expression of feelings, while you trusted the verbal expression of ideas. You were particularly distrustful of the verbal expression of love, tenderness, or devotion. You felt it imperative to verbally express dissatisfaction or disapproval, generally, now—that is how words were used by your parents.

Now let us look at yesterday (Sunday) morning, and for background remember the bodybuilders, who purposefully shut out all annoying distractions. You began your day, first of all, by verbally expressing your dissatisfaction about the late delivery of the paper, by projecting into the future the late delivery of it for a year, and then by discussing critically and in disapproving tones the educational system, and so forth.

You inhibit the expression of feelings of love, approval, devotion, and this means that your verbal communications are largely, now, of a disapproving nature.

Ruburt needs approval. He needs the verbal expression of love and affection, not only in regard to his work, which he appreciates immensely, but in terms of his person. He used to try to trick you into such remarks. Sometimes he pleaded, and finally he decided they were simply against your nature, and so he must forget it.

You would go out of your way not to give such approval, by making a joke or whatever, because you did not believe that verbal communication should be used for such purposes. It made you feel inadequate, fearful of falling into cliches—or worse, trite expressions. It is good that naturally at least Ruburt is given to such expression, though that is not followed through as spontaneously as it could be. Ruburt, however, feels that it is not safe to express disapproval—the opposite of your habit—and so he feels threatened to some extent because your verbal expressions are so often of that nature, even if they are not directed to him, and he inhibits his own expression of any disapproval he feels, or frustrations. Lately he has made an effort to speak out.

I would like both of you to read the chapter on affirmation (in Personal Reality), and to keep it in mind daily. You, incidentally, are afraid of expressing verbal states, et cetera, for fear of being made to feel a fool because your background with your father was so loaded with such connotations.