“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

First of all, what have you done recently that was of benefit in your situation? Which of your efforts paid off, so to speak? The things that paid off, the things that were indeed quite effective, were these: again, your chair suggestion —remind me to return to that, for I have not mentioned some other reasons why I would like it stressed—it being the chair; the table in the kitchen, with all of the implications of additional cooking and involvement; your remark (last week) that Ruburt’s face looked much better than it did in those old photographs; your bringing in the flowers; your lovemaking, which I will discuss; and Ruburt’s point-of-power exercises. The pendulum work was important because of the togetherness it entailed, the joint determination it symbolizes, and Ruburt’s decision to uncover any or all fears rather than hiding them.

The points I have mentioned were highly effective, and they were the most easily and naturally accomplished. I will return to them in a short time. They led Ruburt into periods of time in which he enjoyed simple pursuits—the making of a meal, for example. The impetus further led him around the kitchen, usually in the chair, but often to take steps in a different way from one point to another. He was reacting to new stimuli, as is natural for the body. He stretched just about every muscle in a new way, and made new demands upon the body, that the body quite agreeably tried to meet.

In between, there were periods of body soreness in one area or another, which he and you handled well, remembering what I said. Your lovemaking, as you found to your surprise, led to a sudden, though momentary enough, excellent release of Ruburt’s trunk. There are sessions hidden away (with wry amusement) that should have explained that episode. However, I will discuss those reasons now.

Basically, Ruburt is verbal. Basically, he is highly affectionate. He believes in communicating through words, and he believes particularly in communicating “in a positive manner.” He does not believe in communicating disapproval or aggression. The reasons, as given many times, lie in his background, where it was not safe to express disapproval or aggression. He equates silence with disapproval. He does believe in communicating love verbally and through touch, whether or not sexual feelings specifically are involved.

You felt that love and devotion should be understood, and that they did not need to be stated. In a way, both of you meant different things by communication, and used it to express only part of the spectrum of your feelings. It is Ruburt’s nature to yell at the cat, but he feels the noise upsets you—a small point, but important.

In the past you felt that the touches of affection were ambiguous. You did not know what to do with them, or whether or not they should lead to a sexual encounter. Ruburt enjoys your combing his hair, because then you are touching him. The latest bedroom encounter took Ruburt by surprise. He was unhappy with some attempts he had made in the kitchen, and after some due consideration decided in this new mood of openness to discuss his feelings. He expected some understanding mixed perhaps with mild exasperation.

You need, each person needs, that kind of touch. Love expressed through touch, in whatever way, has a reviving effect upon the body and the mind. It restores the spirits. In Ruburt’s particular case, it speaks volumes.

Ruburt needs approval. He needs the verbal expression of love and affection, not only in regard to his work, which he appreciates immensely, but in terms of his person. He used to try to trick you into such remarks. Sometimes he pleaded, and finally he decided they were simply against your nature, and so he must forget it.

You would go out of your way not to give such approval, by making a joke or whatever, because you did not believe that verbal communication should be used for such purposes. It made you feel inadequate, fearful of falling into cliches—or worse, trite expressions. It is good that naturally at least Ruburt is given to such expression, though that is not followed through as spontaneously as it could be. Ruburt, however, feels that it is not safe to express disapproval—the opposite of your habit—and so he feels threatened to some extent because your verbal expressions are so often of that nature, even if they are not directed to him, and he inhibits his own expression of any disapproval he feels, or frustrations. Lately he has made an effort to speak out.

Give us a moment.... The eye condition is not separate, and now the more active muscles are arousing greater activity on the part of the ligaments, which will begin to loosen the joints considerably. The neck ligaments are involved here. They are moving constantly, releasing the muscles leading to the eyes, and making adjustments. When Ruburt relaxes he does not stare so, and the relaxation periods are of great benefit to the eyes.

One additional point: Ruburt can indeed recover. Not only that, but his recovery can be fairly easy, but your joint habits of pessimism color your attitudes. It is as if the team coach shouted “Try as hard as you can—but we will probably lose because that is the way it is.”

Now: you have begun to change that attitude. Simply keep in mind those significances. Notice how you are focusing. The bodybuilder does not think he is inhibiting his expression if he chooses to focus on his bodybuilding to the exclusion of distractions that may be quite real but detrimental to his purpose. Feelings of pessimism regarding Ruburt’s condition are detrimental. You both did very well on many occasions recently, so try to duplicate versions of the behavior I told you was helpful—and focus in those directions.