“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Basically, Ruburt is verbal. Basically, he is highly affectionate. He believes in communicating through words, and he believes particularly in communicating “in a positive manner.” He does not believe in communicating disapproval or aggression. The reasons, as given many times, lie in his background, where it was not safe to express disapproval or aggression. He equates silence with disapproval. He does believe in communicating love verbally and through touch, whether or not sexual feelings specifically are involved.

(10:07.) Now, my fine feathered friend: you never really trusted the verbal expression of feelings, while you trusted the verbal expression of ideas. You were particularly distrustful of the verbal expression of love, tenderness, or devotion. You felt it imperative to verbally express dissatisfaction or disapproval, generally, now—that is how words were used by your parents.

You felt that love and devotion should be understood, and that they did not need to be stated. In a way, both of you meant different things by communication, and used it to express only part of the spectrum of your feelings. It is Ruburt’s nature to yell at the cat, but he feels the noise upsets you—a small point, but important.

You need, each person needs, that kind of touch. Love expressed through touch, in whatever way, has a reviving effect upon the body and the mind. It restores the spirits. In Ruburt’s particular case, it speaks volumes.

Now let us look at yesterday (Sunday) morning, and for background remember the bodybuilders, who purposefully shut out all annoying distractions. You began your day, first of all, by verbally expressing your dissatisfaction about the late delivery of the paper, by projecting into the future the late delivery of it for a year, and then by discussing critically and in disapproving tones the educational system, and so forth.

It is legitimate enough, but whatever other feelings you might have had of a more positive nature you did not express, and so your day began on that note. Other people would read the same paper, yet all of them reacted in their own ways. If peace of mind is a goal, if it is, the late delivery of the paper is ludicrous. It is not allowed to color your day in such a way. The bodybuilder would dismiss it without a thought.

Now: there is nothing particularly wrong about you expressing your disapproval of the world, or whatever.

You inhibit the expression of feelings of love, approval, devotion, and this means that your verbal communications are largely, now, of a disapproving nature.

Ruburt needs approval. He needs the verbal expression of love and affection, not only in regard to his work, which he appreciates immensely, but in terms of his person. He used to try to trick you into such remarks. Sometimes he pleaded, and finally he decided they were simply against your nature, and so he must forget it.

You would go out of your way not to give such approval, by making a joke or whatever, because you did not believe that verbal communication should be used for such purposes. It made you feel inadequate, fearful of falling into cliches—or worse, trite expressions. It is good that naturally at least Ruburt is given to such expression, though that is not followed through as spontaneously as it could be. Ruburt, however, feels that it is not safe to express disapproval—the opposite of your habit—and so he feels threatened to some extent because your verbal expressions are so often of that nature, even if they are not directed to him, and he inhibits his own expression of any disapproval he feels, or frustrations. Lately he has made an effort to speak out.

I would like both of you to read the chapter on affirmation (in Personal Reality), and to keep it in mind daily. You, incidentally, are afraid of expressing verbal states, et cetera, for fear of being made to feel a fool because your background with your father was so loaded with such connotations.

Your encounter with Leonard (tonight) was beneficial, because it allowed for expressions of friendliness on all of your parts, and the suspension of disapproving attitudes.

Now: you have begun to change that attitude. Simply keep in mind those significances. Notice how you are focusing. The bodybuilder does not think he is inhibiting his expression if he chooses to focus on his bodybuilding to the exclusion of distractions that may be quite real but detrimental to his purpose. Feelings of pessimism regarding Ruburt’s condition are detrimental. You both did very well on many occasions recently, so try to duplicate versions of the behavior I told you was helpful—and focus in those directions.