“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

They have to do with communication, and with your individual and joint ideas of how feelings are to be communicated, and above all about your beliefs as to which feelings are to be communicated.

First of all, again, the situation, the living situation you have chosen means that you both place a good many demands upon the other, that in a family situation, for example, might be dispersed. Each of you then must meet many needs of the other. You are to be mate, lover, friend, companion, working colleague, each to the other. You are with each other constantly. With that as background, what do you think about communication?

Basically, Ruburt is verbal. Basically, he is highly affectionate. He believes in communicating through words, and he believes particularly in communicating “in a positive manner.” He does not believe in communicating disapproval or aggression. The reasons, as given many times, lie in his background, where it was not safe to express disapproval or aggression. He equates silence with disapproval. He does believe in communicating love verbally and through touch, whether or not sexual feelings specifically are involved.

You felt that love and devotion should be understood, and that they did not need to be stated. In a way, both of you meant different things by communication, and used it to express only part of the spectrum of your feelings. It is Ruburt’s nature to yell at the cat, but he feels the noise upsets you—a small point, but important.

You inhibit the expression of feelings of love, approval, devotion, and this means that your verbal communications are largely, now, of a disapproving nature.

You would go out of your way not to give such approval, by making a joke or whatever, because you did not believe that verbal communication should be used for such purposes. It made you feel inadequate, fearful of falling into cliches—or worse, trite expressions. It is good that naturally at least Ruburt is given to such expression, though that is not followed through as spontaneously as it could be. Ruburt, however, feels that it is not safe to express disapproval—the opposite of your habit—and so he feels threatened to some extent because your verbal expressions are so often of that nature, even if they are not directed to him, and he inhibits his own expression of any disapproval he feels, or frustrations. Lately he has made an effort to speak out.