“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Driving home, I had misgivings about my actions in making the appointment without consulting Jane, but told myself I trusted my impulse and the working of Framework 2. I also felt that Jane would never see a doctor on her own. I was very concerned about her condition, even though she’d recently embarked on a course of exercises and changing beliefs that was evidently beginning to help her. I thought Jane would be able to see the doctor and do her own thing without conflict. Jane, however, reacted strongly when I told her about the appointment. “How could you?—you’ve just destroyed all the confidence I’ve managed to build up in the last few days.” She ended up in tears, and I felt that I’d made a rather considerable error.

(Note: Strange to say, but at the same time I felt that Jane was more concerned about trying to make it into the doctor’s office—“Humiliating myself before all those people” —than she was about her symptoms themselves.

(When Wanda called, however, we learned that her doctor wasn’t the kind of specialist Jane should see after all, so the situation was resolved seemingly without effort on our parts. Wanda recommended other doctors. We ended up with Jane more or less on a two-week test period to see if she could get results on her own—although in the light of tonight’s session I doubt if the “deadline” matters. I don’t envision her seeing a doctor at this time, now. Perhaps the session made me feel even more discouraged—this has happened before—or the evident errors in living on our parts that seemingly have been responsible for the whole situation over the years, certainly seemed beyond the reach of any medical treatment. We’ll see what develops.

You felt guilty about the chair—(amused:) not that roller skates would have been a more suitable present. Wanda made sure you could have an appointment if you wanted it. This was arranged through ways impossible to tally, all taking place in Framework 2, with the juggling of appointments days earlier, involving appointments made and not made.

Behind all of my suggestions and attempts to help you lie realms of historical culture, or personal episodes, that go back to that main unfortunate habit of self-disapproval regarded as virtue. I do not see particularly a benefit to outlining the origin of the concepts throughout history, and you can for yourselves trace them in your personal lives. The intellect’s function seems largely that of a critic.

In such a quandary all you can do is add disapproval to disapproval, in some twisted hope that somehow some trust or love of the self will ensue.

You take it for granted that something is wrong with you personally. As soon as you buy that you are in trouble, for you will begin to form significances in your behavior to bear out the proposition. This area, hidden, of course, will find materialization, sometimes generally, so that all portions of life have a drab grayness in which the self can never shine.

Ruburt knew that spontaneity was the basis of his creativity, and of anyone else’s. To that extent you disapproved of it. You felt it could be easily overdone, as say Bill Macdonnel or Van Gogh. Ruburt feared that spontaneity had to be tempered, because spontaneity meant unbridled, rampant, uncontrolled impulse. That belief is a basic one in your society—your religions and your sciences. So in feeling it you were both after all quite conventional.

Panicky, Ruburt began in his later 30’s to check all impulses except those to work. Remember that then, back then, your circumstances were different. He found himself at that age not having as yet produced what he thought he should; because of other reasons given earlier he wanted that creativity to pay financially.