“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We haven’t paid any attention to the last session, for December 26, 1977, yet it contains a line that I’ve thought of often since it came through: “Ruburt....constantly concentrates upon what is still wrong.” Actually, this is true of both of us. For tonight, then, I wanted a session with answers in it, so that we could try again in spite of past failures. I still felt we didn’t know the whole story about the eyes, as well as the other symptoms, and that Jane may have inhibited some material on those topics.

Ruburt has not had his own approval. The physical symptoms are the physical materialization of that disapproval. They serve as a constant reminder of his imperfections—but imperfections in relationship to what? The same to a lesser extent applies to you.

Ruburt believes he should be a TV personality, a healer, a writer, an excellent psychic versed in all of the most esoteric traditions, a magnetic personality. He believes he should be objectively intellectual, cool and calm, and spontaneous at the same time. He should be in glowing health—glowing—and shine amid the multitude. A rather impossible task, that would make any individual feel quite inferior by contrast.

Ruburt emulates your own work habits, and tries to regulate his creative life so that it bears a resemblance to yours. He tries to be disciplined, put in his time, temper his emotional nature, so neither of you approve of yourselves. “Unknown” simply became the platform. It shows the excellent ways in which your natures interact, and that is what the reader will perceive.

Ruburt’s creative work is highly spontaneous. It comes in bursts, in its own way outside of time. He is very impatient at the work involved in inserting it into time. The misunderstandings—and this has been covered—lead to overreactions on both of your parts, and lead both of you to misinterpret your contributions, because initially you do not approve of yourselves.

You have written the equivalent of your own book from a unique standpoint in “Unknown,” but neither of you have really been able to recognize that. Ruburt, being true to his spontaneity, would forget publishing details. It is his attempt to try and match your individual methods of thought that confuse him. He is producing his books and mine —a double kind of production that entails almost two publishing schedules.

Your achievements, singly and together, have not brought you the joy they should, because you think indeed that your achievements should lie elsewhere—or that, in the face of the selves you think you should be, your realized selves are almost shoddy versions. This disapproval erodes your attempts to change, Ruburt’s in particular.

When you do, however, you see results. You pick up each other’s negative moods, however, so you ride emotional storms. Ruburt does not feel he can properly see his way out. Your feelings of spontaneity and discipline go back and forth. Ruburt should stop telling himself that he does not want to see people. He may not want to have visitors at times. On other occasions he enjoys spontaneous encounters. The eye problem has to do, physically, with his present stance—the lack of balance between the two sides of his body, causing pressure on one side of the jaw, and the ear canal, which further aggravates the fullness in the sinus, hence affecting the eyes.

Beyond that, however, is the fact that you allow yourselves, and he allows himself, no rest. You know how often, Joseph, you think about Ruburt’s condition, and it is not yours. So you can imagine how he is reminded of it with each step.

That entire situation however “ideally” should have passed some time ago. Ruburt’s individual and your joint fears, however, prolong his tension, lengthening what should be a transitory period.

(10:28.) Give us a moment.... His feeling that his work pattern should be like yours makes him worry when he becomes very relaxed. The suggestions I gave you about suggestion fell short largely because at the same time you could not jointly find a position of calmness. It should be easy for you to see that when Ruburt was ready you were not, or vice versa.

Ruburt has not expressed those feelings of hope and faith when he has them, for fear they will lead nowhere, or mislead you. Your friend Bill Gallagher is highly sensitive about eyes because of his own condition. He picked up your joint fears like a sponge, and was highly frightened because of his own fear.

All of Ruburt’s concerns about that book have to do with his impatience in time terms. That has to do with his misunderstanding for he has not seen, really, that he is producing work for two personalities that cannot be squeezed into conventional publishing rhythms.

Your feelings of hopelessness are your enemy. They must be encountered, not shoved under the rug. Often one could help the other, but when the feelings are not voiced they go underground. Ruburt should give himself so much time a day—an hour and a half, say—for free creative thought, writing or whatever that turns into poetry, painting? All right.