“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane and I have been very upset over the holidays about her eye condition, and my chest disturbances. Both have been very worrisome. I even talked about seeing a doctor on both counts. Our original understanding was that the eye condition would pass rather quickly once Jane began to loosen up—but now it appears to be another fixed state in the general scheme of our lives. We’ve had a number of discussions about the whole business, and what we can do about any of it. I’m afraid we felt little to cheer about. We planned for a session last night but it didn’t develop.

You expect yourself to be a great artist, lost in the intricacies of what you think of as an artistic emotional reality, innocent of any interfering intellectuality. You berate yourself on the one hand for an intellect that it seems to you separates you from immediate emotional contact with painting and with others. At the same time, of course, you would certainly berate a Van Gogh for his overly emotional behavior.

Your feelings of hopelessness must really be confronted when you feel them, otherwise they erode your position. You each have a tendency to over-idealize yourselves, and therefore to find yourselves wanting by contrast. The over-idealization is rigid. A true idealization involves loving thoughts of the development and fulfillment of your abilities to the best possible condition.

He quite understands the overall creative triumph. It is only when he tries to become overly literal that he becomes overly concerned with time. He has also reacted to your own doubts and fears about the book, and has picked up often your own ambiguity in that regard. Had he really been so against the idea of the book being produced as it was, he would have said so indeed.