“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane and I have been very upset over the holidays about her eye condition, and my chest disturbances. Both have been very worrisome. I even talked about seeing a doctor on both counts. Our original understanding was that the eye condition would pass rather quickly once Jane began to loosen up—but now it appears to be another fixed state in the general scheme of our lives. We’ve had a number of discussions about the whole business, and what we can do about any of it. I’m afraid we felt little to cheer about. We planned for a session last night but it didn’t develop.

(I was also puzzled about our problems because, as I told Jane before the session, I couldn’t see where as individuals we were doing anything so terribly wrong. I added that I wasn’t trying to shift blame outside of ourselves—but still, why the extreme reactions we felt? I used the front page of the newspaper as an analogy, saying that it exhibited far worse behavior and beliefs than any we were responsible for, yet the news and world events seemed to be made by individuals who behaved much more badly than we did, and that further the people involved seemed not to suffer any consequences of note, beyond say losing a job or an election, etc. There was much more, which need not be repeated here. I concluded by saying that I did think we had plenty of insight into our own actions—far more than most people did —so why the extreme reactions?)

Forget ideas of good and evil for our discussion. For one thing, men who perform seemingly evil acts but who believe those acts to be right and justified, can be carried along in relative safety for some time before their errors catch up with them, because the power of their own self-approval is so strong.

This does not mean that they will not face consequences, but their self-approval provides a sturdy rudder that holds them often aloft, where most men might perhaps be drowning in the same circumstances. I have given you much information that apparently has not sunken through, and I have couched information in various ways. I have given suggestions for you to follow, many of them, and any of them followed with a sense of purpose —any one of them—would lead you in the proper direction.

Beneath all of the other issues and reasons at any given time, and perhaps the answer to your earlier voiced question, is the act that, more important than you realize, that for some time in vital areas you have not approved of yourselves. You have not had your own approval. An animal approves of itself unthinkingly. It certainly does not judge itself against any other animal. It knows quite well that some are stronger and some weaker, but it approves of its own uniqueness—glories in it, without having any other picture in its mind of what it should be. It has its own approval.

Ruburt has not had his own approval. The physical symptoms are the physical materialization of that disapproval. They serve as a constant reminder of his imperfections—but imperfections in relationship to what? The same to a lesser extent applies to you.

Your intellect operates beautifully in the notes and appendixes of “Unknown,” but instead of rejoicing in it, you wonder if your notes lack the very kind of emotionalism that would make that particular kind of clear intellectual objectivity most difficult. When you are writing you are pleased, finally at least, with the working of your mind—but angry that you are not painting. When you are painting you feel guilty not only because the painting does not bring in money—by now not that much of a concern, only a nagging accusation—but there also you haggle at your intellect. You wish for the intensified emotional preoccupation that would close your mind to all else but painting.

You expect yourselves to be different people than you are—not appreciating at all the abilities and characteristics that you do possess, but forever weighing them against other abilities and characteristics that you have told yourselves you should possess.

You have written the equivalent of your own book from a unique standpoint in “Unknown,” but neither of you have really been able to recognize that. Ruburt, being true to his spontaneity, would forget publishing details. It is his attempt to try and match your individual methods of thought that confuse him. He is producing his books and mine —a double kind of production that entails almost two publishing schedules.

Give me a moment.... You have, far more than you realize, utilized our ideas in your daily lives, both to insure financial comfort—but more, to achieve the satisfaction that you are indeed reaching others, helping to change their lives for the better. You have the knowledge that many do not possess—that you are indeed affecting your times.

He favors at this time one side, and all his weight and emphasis and direction bears him to the right. The left leg is longer so that the stress is presently applied to the right side. Both the angle of his head and jaw, and the position of his arms, are involved. But the neck, those ligaments and muscles, largely bear the strain so that pressure is put upon the jaw on the right side, and this to some extent impedes sinus drainage in that area.

Your feelings of hopelessness are your enemy. They must be encountered, not shoved under the rug. Often one could help the other, but when the feelings are not voiced they go underground. Ruburt should give himself so much time a day—an hour and a half, say—for free creative thought, writing or whatever that turns into poetry, painting? All right.