“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

By yesterday several new and significant changes appeared. Two or three times Ruburt found himself getting up, not only easier but easily to a considerably higher position. Finally he felt the impulse to walk without the table, used the plunger as an aid, and did not need to put his weight upon it. That meant that at that point newly activated portions of muscles and joints were working more or less in unison. He had to bend over, but the elasticized back was simply holding itself in abeyance. The muscles in the high portions of the legs, in the back, are the ones that need to be strengthened to unite the body in the flexibility that various portions of it are achieving.

Ruburt felt like seeing company—a good sign. You encouraged him in that respect, but not too actively. You went along, however. When Ruburt could not reach O’Neill’s, and pleased by his reactions during the day, you acted on impulse—a good sign, and suggested you both go for a ride. Up to here, all is well.

It was obvious in the bathroom that his legs, which had been stable for several days, and showing improvements, were now trembling and insecure, but he interpreted that bodily message with self-disapproval, at the end of the hallway he had to sit down. You interpreted his situation precisely as he did, and for the same reasons, so of course there was no answer for this manufactured crisis, except that he ignore these bodily messages and act in spite of them.

He made a half-hearted attempt to get out of it. You then made a remark, voicing his own fears as well as your own, saying that you would not let him get away with it, meaning you would not let him get away with not going out as a pattern. So you were both in the middle of a crisis. What happened physically was this. Ruburt’s body had extended itself on several occasions that day, stretching and using new postures, giving him the impulses toward further activity, exercising itself through that small-enough but important walk. It then relaxed.

(10:02.) Ruburt went out to his room. The phone rang. Ruburt was given what he wanted—the psychological stimulation of a friend, who was all ready to visit you because Ruburt’s message had gotten through. The psychological activity would have allowed the body to continue its process. The impulse had been a good one, to have company. Even then Ruburt was tempted to have Wade come, but his own disapproval, and yours, made it obvious that to do so would certainly be a copout. His body was not ready.

Ruburt does the steps, something he does not do inside—a change for the body, and a good one—but in his position an exercise in itself. Both of you even refuse to think of using the table in the garage, so Ruburt forces his body into the most unnatural of positions so that he can lean upon the car. Those positions would aggravate anyone. He made it to the car, knowing that on the other occasions that his body had so protested he had had difficulty. He used his resources to try to change the situation. He used suggestion. He tried to concentrate upon the ride.

You helped Ruburt physically, but you heaped upon him a barrage of disapproval. That disapproval was in a way quite natural, considering your interpretation of the event. It made the situation worse, of course. You both managed at the end to not fall into the kind of situation that in the past you might have, considering the conditions.

You both did very well up until that point last evening, and afterward Ruburt in particular did well, though both of you managed to avoid pitfalls that might otherwise have occurred. When you left yourselves alone, as you did generally speaking, during the week, you not only attained some peace of mind, but definite improvements in those areas that concerned you both. Ruburt’s eyes have been improving, as his typing Emir shows. Not only did he see better, but his hand and eye coordination considerably increased, as did the flexibility of his fingers. During your ride, he noticed that his vision then was a good deal better.

I am dealing with probabilities—but I do not believe it would have been out at all yet, and your own attitudes would have made that an even more regrettable situation. There was nothing held back in that regard. Ruburt’s attitudes, now, were known to you, as were your own. Let yourselves be for a while. Ruburt will feel like going out. There is nothing about outside, in those terms, that frightens him—that is from the house into the garage, symbolically speaking. There were times in the poor weather, when physically he felt like going out. When you make an issue, however, you manufacture a crisis.

Not only then do you have a manufactured crisis of one minor variety or another, but Ruburt is expected or expects his body to execute the steps, walk without the table or any other aid, and behave entirely differently, and of course better, than he does inside the house. Neither of you would even think of a chair in the garage; any aid would be a copout. There are some days when his body can perform in that regard, and some days when it cannot at this point.

His shoulders and arms are beginning to release considerably. He could consciously move his shoulder blades in the back for the first time this evening, and the arms are very important in bodily balance. He was beginning to try to walk without the table for small periods—commendable in the house, but expected, no matter what, in the garage.

When Ruburt does not go out, however, it is never a simple issue of the body’s condition at any given time, but a moral dilemma in which, basically you see, you are misinterpreting events. Ruburt felt like having company. Your own improved mental habits of the week, your pendulum work and his own improvements, released energy that under those conditions sought release—and his impulse showed him in what direction.

On another occasion, he might have wanted to go out, to take a drive; and the impulse will also be the result of the body’s knowledge that the time is right. He was relieved during your bad weather because the artificial crisis was lessened. You have made gains, and important ones. Ruburt’s body messages should be heeded. He heeds them if they follow your ideas of improvements. If not, you both take it for granted that the body is not in the middle of a process, but that some immediate challenge exists.

Self-disapproval always takes resistance for granted, and sees it at every turn, therefore of course leading to battles of one kind-or another. I do not blame you for wishing that Ruburt’s table were not necessary, but he is showing signs that he will be able to dispense with it. I do not blame you for wishing he did not need a stool at the sink, but that area has no conflict now, and Thursday he had an impulse to do the dishes without it. Yet, aids in the garage also were considered copouts.

His bathroom behavior is not only good, but even with the various rhythms mentioned, has shown improvement. His grip is stronger. Last night’s experience could, and in the past would, have severely set you back, because then your self-disapproval simply would have been deepened. You are therefore to understand what I am saying, and not to further disapprove of yourselves or your reactions, but to be pleased with your additional knowledge—for that will enable you to look at events with clearer eyes.