“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You believed that you should be outgoing, vigorous, somewhat competitive, and you believed you should be socially oriented, while at the same time you believed that those things conflicted in a basic way with other drives. You felt you should be introverted, have periods of isolation, time to sit and think, to write and paint, to look inward rather than outward. In periods of intense inner activity that were enjoyable and productive, you disapproved of yourselves because you were not at the same time socially oriented, vigorously involved in exercises, or physically oriented pursuits, and so you disapproved of yourselves.

This does not mean that you should begin shoveling walks tomorrow, with your attitude. There are classic, distorted stories of the weakly scholar as opposed to the hearty sportsman. To some extent the same applies to Ruburt. You are surrounded by propaganda saying that the body will not perform in a healthy, vigorous manner, if you indulge primarily in subjective activity—if you sit at your desk, for example.

You have fallen for the same conventionalized beliefs that they have, only you chose the subjective side. They were so afraid of subjective thought that they ran willy-nilly in the other direction, and they envy your choice—again, to some degree. In summer, you think you should do the lawn. You feel that conflicts with your subjective interests, and that the two are not compatible. You see Joe frantically mow his lawn. You are contemptuous—somewhat—and envious at the same time. The same applies to the snow, so you disapprove of yourself whether you have the grass or the snow taken care of—or whether you try to do it yourself.

(10:49.) Give us a moment.... Ruburt has had excellent results with Emir, and you should rejoice. You do, yet you think at what expense did Emir come—what restrictions of physical activity—and had you been somewhat different, would it all have been necessary?

This summer, you compared your way of life with those polarized ideas, with the way of life of the construction men, for example. The disapproval causes you to exaggerate the differences, rather than glorify them as you should —though glorify may be too strong a word. Ruburt’s physical condition becomes a materialization of those concepts, exaggerated, so that he is not able to go forth in the world, believing the polarity so great, with him and subjective activity having the disadvantage.