“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

If you believe, however, that you must have one at the expense of the other, then you will always face a dilemma between exterior and subjective activity. Your friends the Gallaghers inhibit their subjective natures strongly, both of them (as I was speculating about the other day). They are indeed afraid of aging, and so press onward in more and more exterior activity, because they fear that age will show itself there first. They forget the nature of “youthful thoughts.” They believe there is a polarity, and they have chosen the other side.

By nature, leaders are not so much at odds with their world as they are ahead of it. The Bumbalos, for example, envy you, as do the Gallaghers, but they are afraid of subjective reality. They have taught their consciousnesses to conform.

You have fallen for the same conventionalized beliefs that they have, only you chose the subjective side. They were so afraid of subjective thought that they ran willy-nilly in the other direction, and they envy your choice—again, to some degree. In summer, you think you should do the lawn. You feel that conflicts with your subjective interests, and that the two are not compatible. You see Joe frantically mow his lawn. You are contemptuous—somewhat—and envious at the same time. The same applies to the snow, so you disapprove of yourself whether you have the grass or the snow taken care of—or whether you try to do it yourself.